Our expert says:
One man I asked about this said that most men who look at porno magazines or watch a movie every now and then do so because it's like a little slice of something they cannot have. He drew a parallel between men looking at porn and men looking longingly at exotic or top-of-the-line cars and trucks. "You know you can't have it, but you still like looking and fantasizing about it."
Another aspect of some men's interest in pornography stems from childhood, looking at girlie magazines is something boys are usually forbidden to do from the get-go by their parents, teachers, and society in general. "Men like to push the envelope," an other close male friend of mine told me. "We looked at these things before we knew we had penises, but knew well enough we weren't supposed to be looking." That's where it starts for a lot of men, and they never seem to outgrow it.
Then, of course, there's the sexual arousal aspect of pornography. A lot of men (and women) are turned on by looking at nude pictures and sexually explicit movies. This doesn't mean that's the only thing that turns them on, and it may not even be in the same way that they are aroused by their partners. It's just one facet of a person's sexuality, as are fetishes and other fantasies. Perhaps you could think about exploring your own fantasy world (if you haven't already). A good place to start might be with Nancy Friday's book, My Secret Garden.
Many men don't realize that their partners would be offended and hurt by their actions. Yet, many women, like yourself, wonder what the attraction is. The answer lies somewhere in the middle -- your husband's curiosity is probably just that, a curiosity , and not a reflection on how he feels about you. Your feelings are certainly valid and need to be respected. On the other hand, his feelings deserve respect, too. Maybe there's some way you could incorporate this pornography thing into your relationsh ip; of course, only if that is something that you'd like to try.
It's good that you've told your husband how you feel. Have you asked him how he feels? Ithink you're on the right track by voicing your thoughts and feelings with your husband. The next step may be to explore this realm of his, and your, sexuality.
If you would like a copy of My Secret Garden Write to me at www.sexdoc.co.za and I will forward it to you - as an e-book.
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