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Question
Posted by: MOM | 2004/10/14

How do you say no

I am a 66yearold mother of seven children, which I have for the most part fed, clothed and educated on my own. I am now left with my youngest a 22 yearold that thinks that I owe him. He left school in standard nine to learn web designing, which he is very good at, but can't get a job. Not that he wants permanent employment, prefers to work from home, while I go to work every day. Between him and his 25yearold sister, who is now married, I am heavily in debt, but they just keep wanting and expecting me to provide. How do I draw the line.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Just draw it. They are being selfish and ungrateful. It sounds as if he could get a web design job, but not bnecessarily one that meets his unnecessary requirement of working from hom ( your home, I presume ). They arer more than old enough to be looking after themselves, and not expecting you to go into debt for them. Stop accepting ANY further expenses for them, and set them a deadline for finding their own place to live and maintain their own budgets. The daughter is married --- her husband must support her, not you --- and it's about time she began repaying her debts to you.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mwa | 2004/10/14

Ow no, Mem, your children are not working with you here. By this time you should have retired and started enjoying your money. I mean your other daughter is married and she should start her own life, but you need to tell her that. She needs to know, tell her: you've ran out of funds and there is no more for her. She should either get a job and worry about her own family and that you will be asking nothing from her. And your son, should just go around and look for a proper job. If he prefers working from home, fine, tell him to go out there and find out about "freelancing". That should help, there are a lot of companies that want people like him and all he needs to do is to get out there.... on the market. You should go to work and go out after work, make yourself unavailable for them, try and make time for yourself. No need to go back home straight from work, you no more have a baby to worry about. Go out and come back whenever, see friends, church members, etc. or just simply go out and have supper (doesnt matter whether you do it by yourself). You dont owe anyone an explanation. Buy what you want and need and nothing else...... people should make their own means. You've done your chore.....its their turn.
Please dont stress. I did the same to my kids and my last born 24yrs..... moved out and doing well by herself!!!!

Not easy, but good-luck!!!!!!!!!

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