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Posted by: Mands | 2006/10/25

How do you move on after seperation

Hi, I feel like an idiot, been seperated for nearly 6 months and am still clinging on for dear life hoping things will work out between my husband and I. He is not interested, having the time of his life.... I feel like there is nothing left to life for PLEASE how and what do I do....

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Our expert says:
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You cannot and will not move opn, so long as you cling to the hope that things will work out. And hoping for things to work out is hopeless and a complete waste of time, unless you BOTH want things to work out aAND are working with a marriage counsellor to find out how to work them out. If he is uninterested, things will NOT work out, but that is merely the end of your life-with-him, and a much happier life without him is possibl;e and practical --- see a counsellor yourself and work towards that goal

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Our users say:
Posted by: Chelle | 2006/10/25

When a relationship ends, so much ends along with it - particularly your future plans and dreams. Things that you imagined would happen, perhaps something like going on holiday in December together, also suddenly come to a grinding halt.

It does take time to digest all the changes and the impact the relationship ending has on various aspects in your life. While you're coming to terms with it all, the best thing to do, is to start living and getting involved with new things. By doing this you start creating new plans for the future, and you realise that there is life after this.

I agree with Rick, you do need to accept that the relationship is over - and make plans accordingly. Don't keep hoping, because even if he did decide to come back to you, do you believe you could ever truly trust him again - considering the amount of pain he has put you through?

Take time out to explore what your own desires are, and what you'd like to see in your future, then one step at a time, you make decisions that lead you to where you want to be.

I know it's not as easy as it sounds, but it also isn't the end of the world and there is life after divorce. - and in many instances a life filled with so much that you haven't even began to anticipate yet.

Best wishes.

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: Rick | 2006/10/25

"Moving on", as the hackneyed Americanism goes, is dependant upon one thing: the acceptance that the previous relationship is over.

Its hard to move from one thing to another, from one way of living, from one way of loving, if you have not accepted and internalised that its over, that the embers are in fact ashes only.

As you say, you are still "clinging" so, obviously, you wont move on. If its over - and it seems as if it is, then you have to accept that it is indeed so, internally, in your mind and in your heart. Don't rush into the next best thing - the rebound - before giving yourself time to grieve the end of the previous relationship. If you are hurt, heal first. Once you are healed, consciously process the lessons learnt (valuable this as you don't want to make the same mistake twice) and try to emerge as a whole, complete, functioning person. Then, and then only, should you go back into the market on your own terms.

Best wishes.

Reply to Rick
Posted by: ang. | 2006/10/25

Mands....the reason he is havign the time of his life and not interested in working out the marriage is because he has his bread buttered on both sides. He knows you want him back and will hold on "forever" and you are sitting at home "waiting"! You will never get him back. If he was serious about the separation he would have filed for a divorce- right! But no as i said he still "has you" and the life of a single man!! What could be better!!

Stand up, lift your head high and get out! Show him that you can also enjoy life "without" him!! Believe me you will "switch" some lights on!! He might just come running back

Good luck

Reply to ang.

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