Posted by: Trish | 2008/06/25

How do you know when to trust a man??

My bf and i have been together 1 year and 6 months......

last year he cheated on me 5 times. ( he said he never slept with any of them - and i found no evidence ) but emotional cheat is just as bad to me

He has change and it is clear.....but how do i learn to trust him again. we fight about it constantly. he talks about getting married.....

with all the hurt ive gone through in the past year, i have become a different person. its like ive built a "defence force" around myself. im really stressed out. cant sleep

i really need valueble advise! Please dont tell me to just leave him, because most of us know thats easier said than done

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

DON'T TRUST HIM ! Until he changes and stays chage, there is no sense whatever in trusting him, so deal with that if you ever get the chance to need to do so. See a marriage counsellor together and work on this, and if he doesn't want to do so, recognize what that means.
And B is right : "You say its easier said than done to leave. " No, sadly, it's often easier to stay and choose to believe in unrealistic and impossible dreams, than to face the truth and deal with it

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Zet | 2008/06/26

You can never trust a man if he did once he will do it again and again. My x did it 7 times and we are divorced and now he is doing to his girlfriend. I will never trust a man again

Reply to Zet
Posted by: Vicky | 2008/06/25

You are heading for HIV....

Reply to Vicky
Posted by: Mars | 2008/06/25

Trish, I'm sorry but i don't like your poem... For me it implies that after years, and all the problems that also comes with years... Relationships can not last due to all the pain in the past.

Now i'm in a looooong relationship, which has a lot of "pain baggage" but we make it work! The last two years was particularly tough, and I wish the pain could just go away. Working through it is not easy, and soon one can forget why!

I fear the day she leaves me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to Mars
Posted by: anon | 2008/06/25

stop writting poems and move on its not going to change ur situation it can be theraputic but u need to do something stop living in a bubble bloody some people can be so slow and stupid

Reply to anon
Posted by: Trish | 2008/06/25

Thank you for understanding Mars!

A poem written not long ago...

my life has shed too many tears
washed away in the rain....
my body has shed too much blood and pain!

not much has change,
i was left in gravel.
unclear from fear!
walking this road untravelled.....

how many times must i try!?
forgive and forget before i die...
can my heart even love more,
does my mind hate - restore!?

my love for you may be fading,
my mind does stray untrue!
our kind of love may not last....
too much has happened in the past....

Reply to Trish
Posted by: Mars | 2008/06/25

That is true B! We deny ourselves happiness. Isn't it funny, men are so scared of the unknown, they'll rather keep up with what they know, even if it means to betrayed yourself and your happiness

Reply to Mars
Posted by: B | 2008/06/25

You say its easier said than done to leave.
I say, its often easier to stay in an unhealthy relationship than to leave. It takes a brave person to stand up for themselves and look after their best interests instead of letting someone use abuse and deceive them continuously.

Reply to B
Posted by: anon | 2008/06/25

are u nuts this relationship will not work without trust in a relationship there is nothing,this guy is playing u getout before u get kids and then it will get messy when u do finally breakup ,yes u have a defense wall u have built ur protecting urself cos deep down he is a cheat a loser and u know he will cheat again so what are u waiting for do u not value ur life this guy will give u aids

Reply to anon
Posted by: Kb | 2008/06/25

I agree with Mars. With no trust their is no relationship. When someone cheats on you, you never forget that hurt and betrayal. The first time they do it, you feel it may be worth working through, BUT 5 times, how the hell does a person do it 5 times. I would then suggest to you that you both go for therapy, thats your only other option

Reply to Kb
Posted by: Mars | 2008/06/25

WoW Trish. You knew the answer all along... You were suppose to leave him. But you did not, for you love him, if he deserve your love is another question.
I’ve always said that a relationship without trust would never work! I do not know what the answer is, but I just wanted to give you a heads up. So in 18 months he cheated you 5 times… He is so not worthy of your love!
All the best.

Reply to Mars

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.