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Question
Posted by: Embarrased | 2004/02/04

how do you know?

I have an emabarrasing question. I am in my middle 20's and unfortunately I do not know what exactly a female orgasm is. I feel that my sex life is very unfulfilled due to my husband being able to reach orgasm is and I can't. My husband says that I should read up on this subject, but I would appreciate it of I could get some advice please.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Anorgasmia is a woman or man's inability to attain an orgasm. Many factors are attributed to this dysfunction most of them psychological. One of the simplest ways of determining whether Anorgasmia is biological or emotional is noticing your sexual pattern. If you are able to attain an orgasm when you masturbate but not when you are with your lover, then the problem is one of discomfort and not biological in nature. If you are unable to attain an orgasm with yourself than speaking to your physician or a trained Sexual Therapist is in order.

In this case, the goal of the Sex Therapist is to assist you in addressing the underlying issues that surround your inability to be orgasmic as well as explore societal beliefs and religious teachings that may be affecting you. Addressing the underlying basis for your Anorgasmia will assist you to achieve sexual freedom. The Sex Therapist can also provide you with information and exercises to help alleviate this condition.

What can you do for yourself? As always, I recommend journaling your thoughts. This will assist you in getting to the heart of the matter. Learn what is bothering you; what you are associating with your pleasure or lack of pleasure; and how you feel when your partner makes love to you. For example: if you are able to orgasm alone but the feel of your lovers hands or the way he touches you turns you off then your Anorgasmia stems from your repulsion of your partner or what he or she does to you and not a biological condition. Perhaps getting a new lover or communicating your likes and dislikes to your lover will resolve the problem.

If you are able to have an orgasm through masturbation, love what your partner does for you, but still cannot attain an orgasm during intercourse, explore where your mind is when you are making love. Are your thoughts on the pleasure your partner is giving you or on the kids walking in, or the million and one things you didn't get done, or the fight you had with your boss, etc.? Making love requires all your senses to be present, including your mind.

If you are unable to be orgasmic with your partner because of pain during intercourse, contact your physician and schedule an appointment. It may be something as simple as needing more lubrication or changing sexual positions.

Take time with foreplay. Quickies are great, however they have their time and place. Allow yourself to be in the moment, to treasure your sensual and sexual nature; don't worry about how long it's taking you to orgasm--once you begin to think about the time, you lose the sensations in your body. Your lover is in no rush! He or she is there for you, enjoying themselves by giving you pleasure; relax, focus on your body, and let go.

Join an Orgasmic Group or contact a Sex Therapist to assist you with attaining the full pleasure you deserve. You don't have to suffer through bad sex or Anorgasmia. Even if you have never been orgasmic there is still hope! You can be as orgasmic as you want to be! That is one of the guarantees I give my clients when they come to a Women's Workshop on Becoming Orgasmic. Remember only you can allow yourself the pleasure you deserve. Only you can decide when you're ready.


A note about therapist: Counselors and Therapists are like you. We all have our own hang-ups and specialties. If your concerns are of a sexual nature then ensure to seek out someone who is comfortable addressing and treating sexual difficulties. A trained Sex Therapist is objective and non-judgmental concerning all aspects of sexuality. A general counselor is not trained in sexuality or may not be comfortable discussing sexual issues beyond the basics. This does not mean you need to leave the counselor you are comfortable with. You can ask for concurrent care or a referral to have one or two sessions with a Sex Therapist and return to your treasured counselor afterward. Not everyone is comfortable discussing sexual issues. Shop around until you find one that is.


The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Inc | 2004/02/04

Don't be embarrased... there are plenty of women that have the same problem. Firstly... your husband should read up on the subject... it's an insult for a man not to bring his partner to orgasm! He should try to spend more time on fore-play. You can also experiment with your body... by touching yourself and see what you like... what turns you on... and then you can discuss it with your husband and let him know what pleases you. He is your husband... you should not be ashamed or embarrased... He would be very frustrated if you were the one having all the fun and him not! Sex is an important part of marriage... talk about it ... dont hold back... find out what it is that will fulfill both of you!

Reply to Inc
Posted by: STEER | 2004/02/04

ASK HIM TO READ UP ON THE MATTER AS WELL TO TRY AND GET U THERE.

MAYBE HE IS SHELFISH IN GETTING THERE B4 U.

ASK HIM TO PLAY WITH U AND TRY TO GET U TO ORGASM WITH OUT HAVING SEX.

IF ALL FAILS SEE A DOCTER

Reply to STEER

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