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Posted by: Maxie | 2007/06/14

How do you handle this?

What do you do when you fall in love with a married guy? I am 20years and he is 30. I have a boyfriend who i really love, but i have this huge attraction towarrds one of the guys i work with. He feels the same, but he needs to attend to his family.

How do i get over him? How do i handle the situation now at work?

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Our expert says:
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What you do when you fall in love with a married guy is this -- you recognize that this is wrong, and can only cause misery for everyone involved, and you stop it. Why did you even tell him of this immature attractuion you feel for him ? As G says, don't talk to him about anything except work. Think about other things, and keep yourself busy

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Our users say:
Posted by: Britty | 2007/06/14

You will meet members of the opposite sex throughout your life that you will be attracted to but are you going to have an affair with all of them. Hopefully you can back away from this "affair" before you hurt his family, their loved ones and cause immense pain to a lot of people. What this man is doing to his loved ones he will do to you and you could be one of many in his life. Take care you do the right thing which by the sounds of your last message sounds like you are going to. Take care.

Reply to Britty
Posted by: Maxie | 2007/06/14

FIO your advise is hard but true, thank you very much. At least you know what i go through and you know the best way to handle it. Thank you very much, i appreciate it.

And all the others who gave their advise, thank you very much. I know its wrong and i didn't think before i told him about it, it kinda just happened. He got great kids and i dont want to hurt them. I just thought there is an easy way to forget about him, clearly there is not. I just have to deal with it.

He is still an amazing guy. But i will have to concentrate on other things and on my boyfriend. Because i don't want to be the b*tch who messed up someone elses marriage or live. Thank again all of you.

Reply to Maxie
Posted by: Joey | 2007/06/14

This always spells trouble with a capital T. You're at work with this person - spend so much time with them - probably more waking hours than he spends with his wife - and then an attraction forms. He's married with kids - lay off him and keep it on a professional level - nothing wrong with having an intellectual click with a person, but keep it to this - does'nt mean you have to venture into an affair with him. For God's sake take heed of all this advice being given to you.

Reply to Joey
Posted by: Blondie.. | 2007/06/14

How do you handle it? - you handle it by keeping your mouth shut..if you're not professional by nature, then atleast ACT it..and stop thinking about yourself, keep your hands off a married man, he's not yours and never will be..think about the problems you will cause in his personal life..

Reply to Blondie..
Posted by: FIO | 2007/06/14

I fell in love with a woman who'd only been married for 3 months, and she was 15yrs younger than me. She twice seduced me, and twice I did not go all the way because I've been down this road before, being involved with a married person.

Bottom line - TROUBLE. Keep away, it bites you back, and bites the other person back even harder and more painful.

But, as you say, how does you get him off your mind? You dont! You just have to live with the fact that you cant and must NOT have him.

Its infatuation, all sorts of things, and although the attraction is there, you have to let this go, and put the same energy into building the magic up with your current boyfriend, in different ways to what you think you feel with this married guy. It cant be the same, so dont expect it to.

But be smart, mature, and disciplined with yourself. Keep away.

And if you cant keep away, and he make smoves on you which will no doubt fuel your interest, be prepared for the hsit to hit the fan oneday, because I can guarentee you, IT WILL.

Reply to FIO
Posted by: JP | 2007/06/14

In simple terms. If you think about chocolate the whole day; Before the day is over, you will crave chocolate!
So, stop thinking about him. Redirect all that energy to your personal live.

Reply to JP
Posted by: Echelle | 2007/06/14

You don't want to mess things up? Then why did you tell him in the first place? Is that a way to not mess things up? NO.... Keep your hands off of him, he's another woman's man! And don't ever discuss this with him again! You told him that by wanting more...

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: G | 2007/06/14

Stop talking to him about anything other than work!

Reply to G
Posted by: Maxie | 2007/06/14

?? this is not a physical attraction towards him, more like a emotional one. We just click on an intellectual level and have great conversation together. Today i told him about my attraction and he feel the same, but he got wife and kids. I don't want to mess things up, i just want to get him out of my mind and my heart...if he is in there. It is difficult because i have to work with him. And we make such a great team at work.

Reply to Maxie
Posted by: ?? | 2007/06/14

What you feel is lust, not love... Thus, you will get over this. Just don't feed your imagination!

Reply to ??

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