Posted by: lily | 2009/01/19

how do you forgive

hi guys, how do you forgive a cheating husband (almost 2 yrs in marriage) who wont admit nor apologise after confrontation with evidence? show no emotions,comfort or intimacy,lazy wont lift a finger and disrespectful to you, dictating in the house and putting his family needs before yours &  child, doesnt like your family, crash all my inspired dreams...he call me names like witch, lazy bum, he told his parents before me that i was only " good,nice,caring,etc"  coz i wanted him to marry me.

the other day his parent told me his brother &  sista are coming to stay with us, hubby agreed without my concent not discussion with budget,etc...when i dont agree and suggest they stay in a flat , they accused me of hating them and trying to destroy their family...i dont have i say in my house and he told me i dont help him with the BOND, though im paying for other staff, food, med, insurances,etc.
right now im scared of the person i will become coz i told myself to act according to my " labels" , be lazy &  not clean after him,cook,dont help, care with anything relating to him and his siblings, witdraw financially and see what he' ll achieve. he brings out the WORST in me and it feels like his everything i never wanted in a man.

i dont believe in divorce and when i suggested the counselling he refused, we have 17month old and dont want to wreck her life with divorce but it is crossing my mind...when i met him he was down with nothing to call his and i was independent but NEVER made him and his family inferior and there was respect on both sides..i help him through his career married and now his Mr money... im nothing and his family are also rubbish me like i dont exist.

pls help me, what do i DO, im caught between teaching him a lesson by being exactly what he make me to be OR forgive, forget, pray and be a strong woman!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Slavery was abolished many years ago. It's no duty of yours to clearn up after him, or to do all the housework and chores. Its not Lazy for uou not to work as his unpaid servant. And there's no reason why you should host, feed, and clean for his family visitors. I see no value whatever in "forgiving" someone who is unrepentant and unapologettic and who is convinced they have done no wrong.
YOu don't believe in divorce, and from the sound of it, he doesn't really believe in marriage. Divorce is less damaging to children than living within a miserable marriage which will teach them bad things about how men and women should relate to each other. Leave him to his gorlfriends --- look after yourself and your child.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: lily | 2009/01/19

im going to ask him to go for counselling tonight bcoz im unhappy in my own house, marriage.. i dont want to be depressed at the age of 28, But if he going to quietly let it go and accept the situation, make a financial plan to fall back on after divorce, coz im not feeling him anymore and our sex life is intimacy

i have already started making plans for my future...applying for a better job and almost done compiling business plan for the dream i' ve always believed in, the one he laughed at.

where can one get hold of Social worker or marriage counsellor in PRETORIA.

Reply to lily
Posted by: lily | 2009/01/19

few weeks ago i was sick, he left me alone saying his going to church over the weekend at Limpopo only to recently find slips in his car showing that on that day he was around town shopping and dining with his girlfriend/s.

Reply to lily
Posted by: sideways | 2009/01/19

This situation sounds terrible and he seems unreasonable. I don' t know if the child' s life would be wrecked more by living in a miserable home than being the child of divorced parents. Perhaps make it clear to him that if he isn' t willing to join you in couples therapy then you will have no choice but to leave as you can' t go on like this.

Reply to sideways
Posted by: What | 2009/01/19

And you want to forgive him for what? Treating you like you are a piece of rubbish? It does not take a stong woman to stay, put her baby through all this crap and provide for this louse, it takes a doormat! A strong woman makes the best decision for herself and her child. Only you can decide what to do, but if he does not want to go for help, then is this not your answer?

Reply to What

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