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Question
Posted by: its me again | 2006/07/12

how do you deal with guilt for leaving

hi CS how are you doing, all ok on my side i just need to ask how do you deal with the guilt of even thinking of leaving a partner. i love him he is great but i think he has become like a brother instead of a lover. he now has such a bad credit record and now im getting into debt coz he just cant seem to get with the program, i sometimes feel that as long as he knows im there he doesnt need to do much coz he knows ill allways sort it out. ive taken out loans just to pay rent, the company he works for pays him but then the business that doesnt get delivered he doesnt get com for until its invoiced which is fine but there is always an excuse and he lets it ride. thing is it was the same as the last company he worked for, he just allows it and now to the expence of me and my 2 kids. when it comes to sex well he knows what buttons to push with me but i have no interest in sex i dont want him to kiss me its like there is just no chemistry there hasnt been for a while. now i want to leave but if i do then his finanses will just get worse then how am i going to to maintanance out of him, i dont want my kids to think ive droped him in the shit, and then i feel guilty for wanting to leave coz i look at him and he is a good guy but i just dont want this anymore. i would rather be alone with my kids and be happy than live like this and have my kids subjected to his moods. at least every second weekend he can play nice for the kids. how do get over this so i can move forward. sorry its long but i realy need your help here.

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Our expert says:
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He needs to see a counsellor to deal with his financial fecklessness ; and you need to arange your own financial affairs so that he can't ever spend a cent of your money. Warn him that you will NOt always bail him out when he messes up financially. If it would be better for you and your children to leave him, then do so. If he gets into a mess that is HIS fault, and it is HIS task to sort it out.

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