Posted by: wondering | 2008/06/08

how do u know

how do u know if u r lesbian or just bicurious? been in an unhappy relatonship for many years, dont know if that is my problem. i do fantisise bout women, not just sexually but in terms of a relationship?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi to you Wondering. Welcome to the forum and thanks for posting.

Sometimes we place too much emphasis on labels such as straight, lesbian and bi - the vast majority of us are located somewhere between to the two extremes of being 100% gay/lesbian and 100% straight. You're becoming increasingly aware of your attraction to women, indicating that - like everyone else - you're not 100% straight. That doesn't necessarily mean that you're lesbian - it simply means that you're human and in touch with your own sexuality and feelings. Your emotional attraction to women - besides a sexual attraction - is not just an indication of who you are are in your current (straight) relationship.... sexual orientation includes sexual and emotional attraction.

Don't try to label yourself - rather just go with the process and the flow and see where that takes you. The most important aspect here is that you are true to yourself. Explore and embrace your lesbian fantasies, as fantasies - we don't always feel compelled to act out our fantasies, right? - and see where they take you.

You can't 'blame' your sexual orientation questions on your currently being in an unhappy straight relationship - gays and lesbians are certainly not 'victims' of poor straight relationships. Give yourself time and space and plenty of permission to decide who you are and what you truly want.... and then listen to your gut feel without judgement, guilt or shame and claim your space to celebrate who you are and what you need.

I'm hoping you'll post again Wondering.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: wondering | 2008/06/11

thank u so much. thought id be told to bugger off, lol. it wouldnt bother me whether i go one way or the other, i just want to know. thanks appreciate your input :)

Reply to wondering
Posted by: Nikkits | 2008/06/09


I can only echo what Lonewolf is saying and it is never too late to find some answers.

It does not mean that because of an unhappy hetero-relationship you should question your sexual orientation only.

It could be other factors or a combination of. Good place to start is to TALK and ASK QUESTIONS and that is what you are now doing by posting here.

IF the answers are not clear and you feel you need a face to face supportive environment then a good therapist will the way to go.

Welcome here


Reply to Nikkits
Posted by: LONEWOLF | 2008/06/09

Hi wondering. My few cents worth. You owe yourself to be happy. I think you should investigate this. If you really feel the way you describe and are unhappy with the status quo, why not. Is it possible for you to see a professional? The solution might not be that diffycult to realize, but for some reason you are hiding from it. Many of us were caught up similar situations for far too long and needed calarification on our sexual identity. It is not something that one can hide from, not forever any way. All the best and thank you for posting


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