Posted by: Jessica | 2004/12/08

How do one deal with a miscarraige?


I'm a regular visitor to the Gynae doc site, but would like to find out how one deals with a miscarraige emotionally? I work in the retail sector and can't have any time off before the 23rd,

I was 8 weeks pregnant when we discovered that there was no heartbeat, went for tests and stuff and realised the baby had died, I went in for a evacuation last week tuesday and was back at work the Thursday.

I almost had a nerves brakedown last night and have no idea how to cope with this.

The only thing on my mind is getting pregnant again (we were trying for a year before we got pregnant)


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Our expert says:
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Hi Jessica,
So sorry to hear of your loss, which can be more disturbing and painful than is realized by most people who haven't shared that experience. Although it sounds as if the treatment you received was technically correct, I believe that in EVERY such situation, counselling should be an automatic part of the treatment package.
I'm sure Paris is right about compassionate leave being something that ought to be available ; if it is, then make sure you see a counsellor as well, as simp,y sitting at home feeling bad won't help much. Allow yourself to grieve, and this is also where counselling can help to let the grief be more productive and healing. As the others say, you may fall pregnant again rapidly ; or i may take a little longer, as stress and grief can reduce our fertility temporarily.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mommy | 2004/12/08

I also had a miscarriage at about 7 weeks. I was devastated and although my husband tried to give support, I felt very alone in the situation. The good news is that I fell pregnant immediately the month after the miscarriage and today my little bundle of joy is 2 years old and keeping me very busy. To miscarry is your body's way to discard of something that is probably not 'right'. At least you know that you can fall pregnant. Don't put to much pressure on yourself. After my miscarriage I couldn't believe when I hear about lots of people around me who had miscarriages and today have healthy children. I realised that with the choice to have a child also come the risk of loosing a child.

Reply to Mommy
Posted by: Liza | 2004/12/08

Something you have to bear in mind is that you get pregnant much easier right after a evacuation. Five years ago I also had a miscarraige at 8 weeks - went for an evacuation and 6 weeks later I found out I was pregnant again. It definitely eased the loss since I wouldn't have my youngest son if the other pregnancy went to term. And because of the loss, he is even more precious to me.

My advice:

Have some fun with hubby every evening and every morning. Make it fun and make sure you relax. If you're not relaxed it usually stops things in their tracks somehow. Have a pillow fight - tickle each other - try some chocolate body paint - I think you get the idea.

Good luck!

Reply to Liza
Posted by: blackbird | 2004/12/08

Jess, you life/health is way more important then work. take a few days and to hell with the rest, you and hubby are more important then anything else. i know it's tuff for both of you, but your best support will come from each other.

and everything happens for a reason, hard to say but nature knows best.

Reply to blackbird
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/12/08

Then why not ask your boss for a couple of extra days leave after christmas??

Reply to PARIS
Posted by: Star | 2004/12/08

Im so sorry to hear that - it must be very very sad but here are some things to think about...

everything happens for a reason, For all you know the baby might have had some defect or health issues and this way its actually kinder in the end...

God has the perfect child for you , just be patient and know that you will fall pregnant again and that he wants to bless you. I had a freind who had 2 misscariages (very sad) and 3rd time she had a beautiful baby boy who is such a blessing to them. no one knows why this happends but kept positive and keep trying...

God bless:)

Reply to Star
Posted by: Jessica | 2004/12/08

Yes my boss is aware of my miscarraige, but as I said earlier it is impossible for me to take any days off before Christmas, I have a wonderful boss, but it is just not possible

Reply to Jessica
Posted by: 1821 | 2004/12/08

It Is difficult and there is no receipe for it. Allow yourself to mourn the loss of your "baby", I think doctors say at least three months. It is normal to cry, but do not allow yourself to go down into the deep end. Give yourself time, you will heal, just ask God to give you the strength and the wisdom to go through it. Do not punish yourself, there is nothing you could have done to prevent it.
I had 1 miscarriage at 4 wks and a preterm baby at 26 wks. She died after a week. I convinced myself that God was trying to save me from a later situation I would not be able to handle. He is the only one who knows why these things happen. I used to be angry at God, saying why He let it happen to me. I repented and asked HIM to forgive me and give me another chance. Today I have a beautiful, lovely little girl, 11 months. What I am trying to say with this short story is this, do not despair, you can still have children. Good Luck.

Reply to 1821
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/12/08

Hi there,

I'm really sorry for your loss. I cant even imagine what you must be going throgh right now.

Is your work aware of the miscarriage? Because you do get compassionate leave. By law There's an extra 10 days leave that you can play around with be it compassionate leave or leave for personal reasons. But it is up to the discression of the company directors. I am sure if you do have a boss with a heart then they wont mind you taking this leave.

The best advise i can probably give (im no CS though) is to get plenty of rest. Perhaps your hubby can take the same sort of leave where you guys can just spend some gieving time alone. It doesn't sound like you've had time to grieve. Also the two of you might find it helpful to get some grief councelling, where you can both work on these feelings.

You know Jessica, all Gods work in mysterious ways, i know it sounds very cliched, but its true.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you find the strength to deal with this. I am sure you will.


Reply to PARIS

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