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Question
Posted by: June | 2007/05/30

how do i win my husband back

my husband is 50 years old, he said he love somebody else, the woman he left for me and marry me 23 years ago. <br>they started a friendship 2 years ago. she was in a very bad marriage and he comforted her. she devorced november last year.<br>my husband told me about this all a month ago.<br>he said he broke her heart 24 years ago by letting her go.<br>our marriage was in a bad patch the last 4 years.<br>my husband is working very hard and we started growing apart.<br>i spoke about it several times but he just took on more.<br>there was no time for me. we have 3 children (18, 16 and 10 years ols). we are living like and old married couple we are <br>polite and help each other where we can. no one would say we have problems. i love my husband and do not want to give him a<br>divorce. how can i win his love back?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sad that "comforting" someone so often seems to become dangerous to the comforter's existing relationship. OK< he feels bad about breaking the other woman's heart 24 years ago --- does he think that breaking your heart now, will make things right ? Is it up to you to "win his love back" or his task to bring it back where it belongs ? COuld you talk him into joining you in marriage counselling, to explore these issues and options more sensibly ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: NURSE | 2007/05/30

You know the saying - if you love someone, set them free.
If they come back they’re yours, if they don’t they never were. This is true really. A difficult as it is to realise and do, it is the truth. Let him go and find out what he has been hankering after for so many years and you go forward with your life. You cannot make someone love you if he does not - you can just be you and hope that he sees the special person that you are. Just remember, when one door closes, many more open for you and you just may end up being really totally fulfilled. We all too often stare at the closed doors that we don't notice how new doors of all descriptions are opening. New friends, new living conditions, new job. See it as a challenge. God Bless you and your family

Reply to NURSE
Posted by: lady nina | 2007/05/30

hi there

sounds like he feels "responsible " for her bad marriage and is trying to make up for it, is he feeling guilty?

you have to meet his emotional needs - like she is at the moment
his need to feel the hero, the need to fix things the second time around, his need to feel less guilty ...

ag i don't know girl, i don't believe to halves make a whole
both their lives are 'broken" and they seem to think by being together they will have one prefect life

i doubt you can compete with a dream and illusion

best is to focus on getting well, focus on your own emotional survival and health

i know you must be devasted but it's a time and opportunity to grow into a stronger and better person

nina

Reply to lady nina

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