Posted by: JK | 2006/10/24

How do I stop flirting...cheating????

I'm with my girlfriend now for almost 2 years. Things are not as happy as it should be at home (she and kids moved in with me) and I'm very moody lately.

Thing is....this girl at work is flirting with me and I with her for the past 2 years I would say. At first it was just a kiss here and a hug there but I've now reached a point were she allows me to touch her breasts and pvt parts and its driving me crazy. She wont invite me over (she has a boyfriend) cause on one previous ocasion I've been to her place and I just wanted to kiss her (before the touching stage).

This all happens at work if we do get (create) an oppertunity. She confuses the crap out of me, she's enjoying me kissing and touching her but she does'nt want to take it further at the same time. How do I deal with this. I promise myself everyday that I wont let it happen again but .......she's just doing it for me. I love my girlfriend but I ask myself "If you've loved her enough would this have happened?" I think I've got a crush on this other chick and fantasize making love to her.

I even thought of looking for another job cause slowly but surely this is ruining my relationship and I'm the guilty one. I'm with the company for 10 yrs and cant just leave. What does she want from me??? I asked her to sleep with me but she said she cant while she's still with her boyfriend. I asked her if I should stop sexualy approaching her and she said pls no.

I'm just not strong enough to stop everything between us and I dont think I would until I've slept with her. My girlfriend dont deserve this cause she will never ever do this to me.

What is it with her...or me...????

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

From the way she behaves with you, and how she treats her "bf" you know exactly how she will treat you if you were her bf, just as she knows you will always cheat on her. How to stop is easy --- just stop. And tell her it's over. Its hard to believe that you actually love your gf and still behave like this. Maybe she deserves someone who would actually be faithful to her. You could be strong enough to stop it, but you really don't want to.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Rick | 2006/10/25


Not to make too fine a point of it, JK, but fidelity - the desire AND the ability to remain faithful - would make her an even better person than she is now. As it would for you, too.

Good luck.

Reply to Rick
Posted by: JK | 2006/10/25

Thank you all who responded to my posting. Thanks for sharing your feelings and honest opinion. I'm realy going to try and be a real man cause it's realy hard to resist but as Rick mentioned and must be strong and I dont have to sleep with her. She might be a -|- tease but if she realy wanna to sleep with me she could have which dont make her a slut I would think.

It may sound to you like this is going on all day everyday, but sometimes days go by without any hugs or a kiss. She realy is a flirty type of girl and I need to withstand that. My girlfriend did it to her ex husband and my ex wife did it to me. I know its no excuse but maybe my past has an effect on my behavior.

I can assure you that I had chances in the meantime but I'm staying strong and I believe that if I can go through this (not touching & kissing anymore) I will be very proud of myself cause she's realy hard to ignore and not a bad person as you guys might think.

Reply to JK
Posted by: Garfield | 2006/10/24

BRAVO Rick - such truly wise words. I admire you for it - and so should all men.

Reply to Garfield
Posted by: Rick | 2006/10/24


I am a man like you are so I do understand the pull of temptation. You are already aware, in some part of your mind, that something is very wrong with the situation you find yourself in: you have red blood in your veins, a comely woman is encouraging you to flirt, heavily, with her, your job is at risk, your realtionship is at risk and she is involved.

Clearly, there is no gain or profit in doing something stupid. Don't give in to the temptation. Rather see this as a growth point: how can YOU profit from this sticky situation in the real sense of the word.

Forget about trying to get lucky with her - she does not deserve either your attention or, even worse, the devotion of her boyfriend. Think of him, as a man who loevs a woman, and how much hurt he will feel if you sleep with his girlfriend. Could this happen to you? Maybe not but, if it does, how will you view the man that does this to your relationship? Remember that you are incontrol of all your faculties, you are not helpless. You CAN control yourself, all you have to do is decide to do so.

So, save your job (heck, ten years is a long time), save your own relationship and leave this poor woman to her own fate and have no part in her downfall.

Do not think that you are powerless. You don't HAVE to sleep with her. In some circles she may be called a cokctease and she may well be lauging her worthless butt off over you. Its not YOU she wants, but rather the attention. So, leave her to her own feelings of low self-esteem and low self-worth and use this as a chance to be a real man. Make your own women proud of you.

It can end, now, without you having to either sleep with her or leave your job. Exercise some self-control and grow as a person. Funny thing is, she will secretly admire you for developing your self-worth and strength. Say no to her, for a change, and you will be a real man.

Reply to Rick
Posted by: kat | 2006/10/24

all i will say is your are not ready to settle with anyone especially with your current girlfriend. why not just leave and play the field untill the right person does come along there is nothing wrong with not beein ready to settle i mean if you look at relationships who wants that but this also is not on.

Reply to kat
Posted by: louise | 2006/10/24

all i can say is that u r a JERK of note!!! MEN - the all the flipin same!!! Bastard!

Reply to louise
Posted by: pam | 2006/10/24

what goes around comes around and the big wheel turns - remember if you play with fire you will get burnt. one day is one day and someone will mess with your heart and emotions like you have been doing - go wild and carry on what you are doing - the truth always comes out and you know what you will be very alone. i am sure your gf works and i hope she is doing the same to you.

Reply to pam
Posted by: Me | 2006/10/24

If her name is Charlotte, keep the living hell away.

Reply to Me
Posted by: Dimple | 2006/10/24

Listen, I think you just want your bread buttered on both sides! and want other people to make you feel ok about what you are doing, it is wrong, worng, wrong! You guys actually deserve each other!

Reply to Dimple
Posted by: a non a mouse | 2006/10/24

I am sorry to say this but this girl is playing with you. She is an attention seeking slut. And I am sorry to say this too but you should be ashamed of yourself for what you are doing. If you love your gf, then stop what you are doing before things get out of control and you hurt a woman and children that actually did not ask for this. IF you want to be with this other woman go ahead but finish what you started first. Dont be a cheater - there is nothing you cannot sort out where everyone can be happy with a minimum amount of damage. Do yourself a favour - dont take notice of this chick for a few days and see the wrath of a woman scorned. I wish you luck cause you are going to need it. This is going to blow up in yr face. Fix it!!! You sound like a genuine person and you are strong enough to handle anything ---

Good luck

Reply to a non a mouse
Posted by: Anon | 2006/10/24

You are just a jerk trying to justify your actions!
Of course the problem is with you, why can't you just keep your -|- in your pants!!
Not only are you screwing around on your GF, but you are -|-ing up her kid's lives aswell!
You need - and deserve - a bloody snot klap!!!

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Delene | 2006/10/24

do yourself a favour & Watch the movie "unfaithful", then decide if you messing around like this is still worth it.

Easy & fun.....end result is just desasterous.

Reply to Delene

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