Posted by: Spark | 2008/09/11

How do I smile again?


I am 41, independant mother of 1 9 yrs old.

The last 3 -4 months were very stressfull, got fired from my job, trying to break-up with mu fiance, finances sucked, didn' t pay accounts, bought a house a few months ago. We had a few pets die on us, our tortoise, bunny and giunea pig.

My life has changed drastically the last month, I got an amazing job, I love my duties, my boss and colleques are great, I work flexi hrs, salary is much more then before. I am chatting, just chatting to guys on the internet, my fiancnes have all be arranged and being paid off. My daughter, still cheeky, but even she has changed, she seems to laugh more because we get home at 3 in the afternoon. We adopted a dog and a kitten from the SPCA, it is a big dog so we spend time outside in the afternoons and now with the heat she can swim and teaching the dog to swim with. Life is great ... except.

I don' t know how to smile any more. To have that happy content feeling. I wake-up a few times a nite and I think that makes me feel exhauted when I get home. Last night I was still talking to my duahgter around 6:30 when I fell asleep on the coach for an hour.

I feel numb inside and I HATE IT. I am bubbly happy go lucky person but feel dead inside. I don' t have money to get proffesional help. I need advice on how to help myself at home. No social life or freinds.

What are the signs of " clinical depression" ?

Thanks again for your advice. As I have no other outlet, I really appreciate all you guys being my " friends"  and listening to me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Good to hear how well things are going right now. I suppose that after the still recent experience of so much going wrong so suddenly, and perhaps unexpectedly, you are at some level feeling precarious, as though it might all go sour again. Odd how read our mind is to form such gloomy expectations from the bad part of your recent experiences, rather than forming happy expectations based on the good part that followed.
YOu could indeed be experiencing some early signs of Depression, and at least may be suffering the consequences of a set of negative habits of thought based understandably on the period when so much wen so wrong so quickly. This situation would be ideal for CBT counselling, if you could find some --- check with FAMSA, as they have some good counsellor who will charge in relation to your available income ; and also check out the Anxioety/Depression Support Group, which could also be helpful ( and, if you can attend a group nearby, would also immediately start to help that sense of isolation ).
ANd Phil usefully reminds us that accepting needed help is a sign of strength, not weakness ( there's none so weak as he who refuses help they need ) --- just as nobody thinks they're weak if they wear a plaster cast on a broken limb until the bone heals, so we should accept help that's needed

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Our users say:
Posted by: Phil | 2008/09/11

Spark. I have said in the Divorce forum that I feel like a shadow of the man I uswed to be - going through a divorce at the moment. I know that empty feeling, trust me. My pastor actually said that sometimes we need crutches to help us get better again. So I went to my doctor, he put me on a mild anti depresant. It helped me a hell of a lot. I will only take it for another 3 months or so, but I don' t know how I would have made it to here without it. sounds week I know, but you have to experience it to know what it feels like. And I also had a very good bonus and increase, didn' t make me smile at all. Hope this may help you.

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