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Question
Posted by: insecure | 2004/10/11

how do i overcome this

I dont know what to do. I have been going out with this girl for about 1 year now and am so insecure. I was never like this before. In the beginning of the relationship her ex was lurking around alot. i told her to choose, either him or me and she chose me. She did however lie to me once when she told me that he wasnt smsing her, and i found out about it. I left her, but took her back when she promised not to lie to me ever again. I dont know why i feel this way. I was however hurt in my previous relationship. How do i overcome this, nothing is worse than an insecure man................

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi insecure,
Actually, there ARE some things worse than an insecure man, including an abusive man. See a shrink for assessment and advice on treatment --- in counselling you can sort out this insecurity and low self-esteem. JJ and Shaun's commnts are usful and on the point

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/12

Hi I,

I agree with JJ here. Because of our previous hurt we become wary of fully trusting another. Kinda like once bitten twice shy.
I think maybe what you need to do is consider each person on their own merits, & if there is reason to be concerned, then maybe you should trust your instinct.
On the other hand, your reaction to her behaviour considering your insecurity may see her being inclined to keep certain things away from you which may cause more concern & insecurity to you as a result.
I do think you need to become more emotionally secure within yourself first, as JJ suggests, coz once you become secure within yourself, it makes it easier to be secure in trusting others.
I am myself struggling with this issue at the moment, but I do find that I need to give my partner her space & trust her when she says I have nothing to worry about. It's not easy considering my past, I must admit, but learning to trust her is becoming a journey that I am beginning to enjoy.
At the moment, I have the understanding that if something has to happen & she finds someone else then thats life & I have to endure it & move on. But ja, as we all know, thats easier said then done, & we will only really know when that actually happens.

I do agree with JJ though, the answer does lie within you.

Good luck,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Join the club | 2004/10/12

Same here man,I had a fight with my g/f for keeping contact with her ex becoz I had made it clear that I hate it and she promised never to do it ever again.Later I found out she was doing it and was so hurt and angry.I came real close to leaving her bt didnt,one of th reasons was becoz we have a 7 month old daughter.I love her bt cant put up with SH*T.I then told her to do whatever she likes coz I "dont care anymore" and she was so hurt.she asked me for a last chance bt again I told her to suit herself.Believe me bru,I'm still real angry bt we "patched" things up.I'm waiting for her to do it again and she's gone for good this time.I'VE HAD ENOUGH AND i told her.

Reply to Join the club
Posted by: JJ | 2004/10/11

Hi,
The reason you are insecure is that your security is partly based on another person - and that is they way we grew up - our parents (should have) supported us.

The only way to overcome this is to get emotionally stronger - increase your emotional intelligence to the point where you can bounce back from most things life throws at you.

To get emotionally stronger however, is more like a journey than a quick fix. There are courses and books available to help but essentially the answer lies inside yourself, you just have to search and find it.

Regards

Reply to JJ
Posted by: ? | 2004/10/11

Yes that's true,I need some advice aswell

Reply to ?

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