Posted by: Me | 2008/11/16

How do I know?

I' m knew in this city and I met an incredible guy shortly after I arrived (2 months ago). We only see each other on the weekend but we have spent every weekend together ever since. We are both 22 and very shy. And that' s the problem. When in public or with his family/friends we are extremely shy and we find it hard to express our feelings. He kisses me sometimes, but I' m not even able to do that myself. But when alone we are very romantic and comfortable with each other and have made love. But then we are with people again and it' s like nothing romantic ever happened between us. I always feel insecure because he seems cold and doesn' t kiss me or hold my hand frequently, and I' m sure he feels the same because I never touch him or anything, although I wish I could. Is this normal? How do I know what he feels and wants and what should I do? Will I lose him if I go on being this shy? I am afraid that I disappoint him. I never even have anything interesting to say in person, nor does he. Being shy really makes it boring sometimes and I don' t know how to make this relationship more interesting and able to survive. I don' t want to lose him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

SO, if I understand what you're saying, the problem lies not between the pair of you, but with both of you feeling shy about expressing your affection in front of others ? Does that need to be done ? If you know that you both feel so shy in front of others, you don't need to fear his lack of display in front of others meaning that he loves you the less --- any more than your fail;ure to display this publically means anything the less about your own love for him. I'm sure you don't disappoint him, as neither of you probably expect from the other behaviour you can't manage yourselves.
If sounds as though you both have a degree of social anxiety disorder, excessive shyness, and this responds really well to treatment, especially with CBT ( Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ) and perhaps some medications. A good local shrink should be able to advise on this, and you could, working with the right expert advice, transform the situation for both of you.

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