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Question
Posted by: Cheat | 2004/03/01

How do I find out if he is cheating

I think my husband is cheating.. He is always working late. His phone is always off at home and when he goes out. He hides his bank statements.
I dont want to accuse him because he will start hiding more things away and because I dont have solid evidence. I dont want to start following him around.
Any ideas..i have tried talking to him but he just get mad and tells me i dont trust..but should I trust him if he is hiding things away.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Cheat,
I suppose you could hide a private detective. He doesn't hve the right to expect total and unquestioning trust -- trust needs to be earned, not just given as a gift. An honest man has no need to hide anything from his wife ; and does not get so furious and acusatory when questioned. As Think points out, cheating isn't the only possible explanation for his secretiveness. Switching the phone off while he's out raises the possibility that he could be cheating someone else, and doesn't want them to find out about you.
There's no way to be certain. A detective costs money ; talking to him may work, if one can get the right moment, and, taking care not to sound accusatory ( which gives him the excuse to evade answering by getting angry ) work on issues like the turning of of the cellphone, asnd your worry that he couldnt be reached if there was an emergency.

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Our users say:
Posted by: blue eyes | 2004/03/05

Well, on the contrary I think your husband is being unfaithful and for your own sanity challenge him about his sneakyness. However, as you are scared shitless off him perhaps you should play him at his own game. It takes two to tango.....have fun! Woman's intuition!

Reply to blue eyes
Posted by: sue | 2004/03/04

maybe your husband has a gambling addiction that he is ashamed off and thats why he hids the bank statements. if it is a joint account you can always go to the bank and ask for a copy. its very easy to jump to the wrong conclusions so i would be careful of doing something that could end up costing a lot of money and your marriage.

Reply to sue
Posted by: Lerato | 2004/03/01

If he gets mad deffinetly there is something fishy, it can be anything besides cheating try and find out what is it. Do not co behind his back just let him know how you feel about the whole situation

Reply to Lerato
Posted by: wife | 2004/03/01

Hi,

Is he still very affectionate towards u? If this changes then it can be somebody else, my suggestion would be to try and switch his phone on over the weekends and see if there is any messages from a other woman. Also find the bank statements and check them, he is doing something that he is not supposed to because why does he get confrontational.


Good luck...........

Reply to wife
Posted by: THINK | 2004/03/01

Have you thought it could be something else than cheating? Mybe he is involved in something illegal!

Reply to THINK
Posted by: RIE | 2004/03/01

Why is hiding his bank statements I went through the same thing with his cell phone switch of over weekends, you must ask him is he not concerned if in any way he is needed over weekends ie family crisis or deaths. Can you not afford to hire a private detective. and you can be sure they always gets VERY cross when they are confronted.

Reply to RIE

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