Posted by: confused | 2007/03/31

How do I find out his true intentions

I am a single mother with 3 kids. I have to move out of the house I'm renting as my lease will not be renewed. My boyfriend of 2 and a half years has asked me to move closer to where he stays as it will allow us to function better as a family, eg. he can see us everyday, help out with transporting the kids and we can do more activities together. Currently we live an hour's drive apart. I am grateful that he wants us to be more of a family, but my problem is this. I would like him to commit to us as a family thru us getting married. We have a wonderful relationship but I fear that we will always just be at the level we are now, and I need more than that.
How do I approach the subject with him. I just feel that if he has no intention of marrying me one day, I should just look out for my own future and start working towards a future on my own. I wouldn't like to move closer to him, and further from my own family if he will never commit 100%.How do i find out whether he plans on spending the rest of his life
with us or if all he wants is a part time relationship.
Thanks for the advice

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Have you tried simply discussing this with him, and saying what you have said in your message here ? Your point about concern that moving closer to him would be moving further from your own family is a valid one, which he needs to consider --- and his suggestion that he would like to fel more like part of the family and help with family chores, is presumably promising. I don't think anyone else, outside of the pair of you, can tell you what is on his mind or in his heart

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Our users say:
Posted by: Bella | 2007/04/01

Hi there confused,

CS is right - your only option is being straight with him and telling him exactly how you feel. Maybe he wants to try being closer to the family before committing to marriage. He probably just wants to warm up to the idea of having a family and see what it would be like before getting married which makes sense. Perhaps him asking you to move closer is one step closer to marriage. If he's smart, he'd try out the family life first before proposing instead of jumping right into it and getting divorced a year later because he can't handle it. But I could be completely off. Talk to him openly and honestly. You guys have been together for so long that there shouldn't be this wall between you. Good luck and let us know how it goes :-)


Reply to Bella
Posted by: confused | 2007/03/31

Thank you CS. I will breach the topic tonight. Maybe I'm more of a coward than confused.I just need to ask him.

Reply to confused

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