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Question
Posted by: WHATTODO | 2007/05/25

How do I explain that it hurts?

I am in love with a fabulous women. We have been together for 8 months now, but have been involved for 14 months. She has been in two long term relationships (7 and 4 years) previously and before we getting together had a fling with friend of mine. There were complications due to the fling. I accepted her past and moved on and wont to focus on our future together. Even though I requested that she do not keep in contact with my friend and she agreed, every now and then I have to hear that they had contact. This upsets me and although she comforts me by saying its is only contact not unresolve issue or a upstart of old flames. She also keeps on bringing up old issue from her previous relationships just when there is the slightest resemblance, and most of the time it is a misunderstanding or her being oversensitive.

How do I make her understand that if she keeps going back to past and past people (living in the past) it upsets and hurts me? Is it possible or even acceptable to ask her to refrain from doing it?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Relationship counselling ? And from the sound of it, you're not really bothered about her contacting or thinking of OTHER people in her past --- would you worry if she met or visited an old school teacher of hers ? --- but about THIS specific person from her past.

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Our users say:
Posted by: WHATTODO | 2007/05/25

This person is a big issue, because she knows I dont like it when they have contact and she keeps on contacting him. And then she tells me he is inquiring about me, but it is a lie. She tries to make me part of something that I do not approve of. Why would she keep on doing this, even though she know it upsets me?

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