Posted by: Blue | 2008/06/11

How do I do it?

i went out with this guy for just 5 months and I was head over heels inlove with him. Cooked for him, bought him gifts from overseas etc. He used to tell me that I must slow down but I couldn't coz I was scared I would lose him. Now he dumped me & when I tried to go to his house, the security said the guy gave him instructions not to let me in. I call and send him messages but he does not return them. I just want to forget about him before I lose the bit of dignity I still have. But I just can't get over him...Please help?

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Our expert says:
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You CAN and should get over him, as nothing good can come of continuing to pursue him. See a counsellor if necessary, but move on. Stop sending messages to him, and erase his numbers from your phone

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Our users say:
Posted by: Gentle Voice Of Reason (GVOR) | 2008/06/11

Whyyyyyyyyy, why do we do this as women hey?? I think we love too much, too hard , too quickly. He warned you to slow down, but because we are women, we think we will get him to love us more if we smother him with affection and whatever else. The security guy refusing you entry was your low girlfriend, dont go any lower than that, turn around, walk away and dont look back, while you still have a small grain of dignity left

Reply to Gentle Voice Of Reason (GVOR)
Posted by: old but not cold | 2008/06/11

I also have a dear dear friend who is going through a messy divorce, but has thrown money, gifts etc at another man becasue he at least talks to her and treats her civilly. I feel for her and for you. In your minds the relationship was far more than in reality. It makes you look needy and clingy. No man likes that, even if the gifts are huge. I know we all have a need to be loved, appeciated and generally cared for and if one has not had that for a while one is willing to accept any scraps almost. This is very unhealthy and will only lead you down another heartache road. Look in the mirror and say out aloud. I deserve better than that becasue I am a great person. Then go out and spoil yourself or get involved in a community project they always need volunteers who have a good heart. If you are happy in yourself you will attract other solid people to your circle of friends. You are so much better than that. If you can just read the mail you posted from an outsider persective, i.e. this is not you. what would you say to this person????

Good luck.

Reply to old but not cold
Posted by: No! | 2008/06/11

I think the guy was fair, he did warn u to slow down, i think u were scaring the hell out of this guy..I mean real u were too commited in just five months!!!!

My advice is to go for counselling, try to find out what makes u want to cling to someone in such a short time, there way i read ur post something is not right, it might be ur self esteem or something...

Reply to No!
Posted by: anon | 2008/06/11

the quicker u move on the better it is. He is not worth all the worry and tears. Find someone else that will appreciate all the trouble u go through to spoil him. It unfortunate that we have to meet people like him that take advantage of a situation when it suits them. You are going through that phase of missing everything u guys did together but the time will come when eventually you will not even think of him.
good luck

Reply to anon
Posted by: Blue-r | 2008/06/11

We do this don't we? And then the exact thing we do not want to happen, happens.

This is so sad, but you have to pick yourself up and as hard as it is accept that although you want him, he does not want you.

Take it day by day and learn from this.

Most guys would be scared as hell of you.

Reply to Blue-r

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