advertisement
Question
Posted by: Lynne | 2008/07/17

How do I cope with this?

Hi,

My farther (68) was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer 3 weeks ago. He never smoked/drank - he is the healthiest man I knew...

There is nothing they can do for him, they said he shouldn' t even consider radiation or chemo. He was a huge (not fat), strong man, now he is a skeleton covered in skin... he experiences alot of pain, but tries not to worry us. They gave him another year, but he is deteriorating every day!! I don' t think he will last another month if I look at him now.

I don' t know how to deal with this.... I have phoned hospice and they are wonderful, but my father (actually my STEPMOTHER) refuses that hospice come and visit him at home, and I know it could only be beneficial to both of them! She stubbornly persists that all my father needs is her... she alienated us from him for the past 13 years... she' s ok now, we see him every day - which is wonderful. I am very grateful for the time we have to say goodbye.

I can' t bear to see him like this!!!!! And I know it is humiliating for him to be seen in such a emaciated, weak state... he is such a proud man. And I realise that things will get worse, but HOW DO I COPE and HOW DO I SAY GOODBYE????

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Make sure that he receives proper and competent palliative care, preferably from the nearest hospice, though the Cancer Association can also sometimes help. Pain could be controlled. The hospice should also have a social worker and other grief counsellors who can help work with you and the family. Cant the stepmother be persuaded that hospice will not have any intention of pushing her aside, but by assessing him and ensurin that they can work with her to relieve his pain, they could ensure that his last days with her and with his children, could be as peaceful and comforting as possible. Surely she doesn't want him to be in unrelieved pain ?
There are no simple answers, believe me, to questions about coping and saying goodbye --- that's where the social worker / counsellors can help

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

1
Our users say:
Posted by: vjb | 2008/07/17

Lynne there is no way you can prepare yourself for the end.just be grateful for the time you have now to say goodbye in so many other ways. my father died in 3 months and it was soul destroying but you get through it. the important thing is to be with him as much as you can. why not just bring the hospice person with you when you visit...... nothing your step mom can do then??? they are really wonderful and do such good work a pity if she does not acknowledge this. You take care and remember to hug your dad every day!!!

Reply to vjb

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement