Posted by: C.J | 2005/11/19

How do i Change

This is really a matter that is concerning me alot. I seem to be unsuccesfull in all ways and i want to change. I dont want to be C.J any more.I know God made me the way i am but i had enough. There is no suicide ideas in my Life I love life to much.Im a very soft person and people tend to walk all over me and my children too. I have been married three times and really i must do something Wrong in life.Ive had so many jobs as well i need to get direction.I met this wonderfull woman in my life and i wanna make her happy really happy in all ways. I really need to change and become a different person and really soon. I need to be a better Father to my kids a better Husband a better Bread winner for my family. Up to this stage all is going wrong. My kids are rebellious im not succesfull in life, at this part of my life i should have made a succes already but i just dont seem to exceed to that level. it seems all wrong to me what am i doing wrong what can i do to Change. I wanna become a better Person, its not that i do wrong things in life i try to live to the book as much as possible and try too keep everybody happy from friends family employers kids you name it. Help me please i wanna change!!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hello CJ,
I think I understand this confusing and uncomfortable position you find yourself in. You sound like a good and pleasant person, but with very soluble problems in various areas --- such as how you view life and other pople, your expectations and how you deal with them, how you view yourself, apparently some difficulties in deciding what you really want, and staying with your decision. And maybe so keenly attentive to trying to satisfy everyone else, that you often end up satisfying few or none of them, as well as never satisfying yourself.
But you have already taken the first, and most essential step to putting all this right, because you have recognized the nature and extent of the problems and you have decided to change. QWhat would help most would be a period of counselling, perhaps with a good local psychologist, who practices CBT (COgnitive-Behaviour Therapy ) which is a practical , down-to-earthmethod fo analyzing what changes you need to make in your atitudes, expectations and behaviours, and making those changes effectively.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Dee | 2005/11/21

I've been there
The part about letting people walk all over you is the key to your problems.
I was (and am still) a nice gal but I used to be just overly accomodating. the thing is - people need to know what your boundaries are. because I was so non-confrontational, people would take advantage of that and it mostly didn't get me anywhere. It also led to unhealthy friendships and believe-it-or-not ...people do not RESPECT people who do not show them where to get off.

Start being more assertive about your boundaries. You do not have to always bend over backwards to please everyone. Thsi causes too much stress to you and this soon spirals inwards.
It was hard to do - but very rewarding - and now I have very true and real relationships with friends and family alike - jsut by saying no from time to time...

Reply to Dee
Posted by: CJ | 2005/11/20

Thank you for your reply there Cybershrink.
Yes i want to change and be a better person and wanted to make this change in my life long ago cause i believe i could have been much further in life as i am now. My current situation is affecting my life a great deal and i WILL definately take your advice there. Im really despirate and will do anything to keep my current Job, Fiance, etc, and make all better. Any other advice i can try to build up my self esteem as well, cause i think a great part of my problems lay there.

Thank You

Reply to CJ
Posted by: CJ | 2005/11/20

Hi there im glad im not the only one in this situation. Its true what you say all seems to go backwards and not forward. The harder you try the more its messes up or something or someone messes it up for you. Dont you think we try to hard? But if we do, what can we do else to keep on trying?How do we build up our self esteem and see through the eyes of others the way they see things.

Reply to CJ
Posted by: selco | 2005/11/20

well i know exactly what you are talking about....and im merely 22! my life sucks at the moment and i dont know how to get it back.....i seem to start pushing everyone away from me....i lost all my self esteem and confidence...and because of the lack thereoff im afraid of meeting new people....and it has taken its toll for to long. I'm starting to slack down in life and everything i do...or used to do!! PLZ HELP ME 2!!

Reply to selco

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