Posted by: Spark | 2008/08/18

How do I break up with a man?


As I mentioned previously, I am engaged to a guy of 48 on his 5th divorce. He live’ s 600km away. He was sexually abused and raped when he was little. He has a son of 5.

He can’ t be in the bathroom with his son as it very uncomfortable for him. When we have foreplay, I am not allowed to touch his private parts or his chest / nibbles. I am 41, and a very sexual person as to him, if it happens it happens.

He is extremely jealous and possessive. He gets depressed quit often (he has been in the “ mad”  house twice for his depression). He was an alcoholic and drug addict at 17. He hasn’ t touched the stuff for the last 21 years. Now he had his first drink of whisky on Wednesday night. Because he is sorry for himself, for the life he had.

My daughter (9) and I are to sell my house in JHB and move down to him. Unfortunately I done this kind of move in 2006, moved after a old school day boyfriend, 3 months later we were back with hardly anything. I got my old job back and then 3 months ago got fired. We, my daughter and I, had started over when this guys of now came into my life. I have a good job now, a home I bought, pets, etc.

All the advice I got last time, told me to leave him. I am in the process of leaving.

I told my daughter that we are not going to move 6oo km away. I won’ t do this to us again. I won’ t be selling our house. I will manage somehow to get back on my feet again financially.

I was going to break up with this guy yesterday as we have a sms relationship but when we spoke on the phone (first time in 2 months that he phoned), he told me he is buying a business for me down there. It is a very Afrikaans dorpie and my daughter that is English will have to go to an Afrikaans school, she hates that idea.

I want to break up with him because mentally he is not lekker. His sms’ s irritate me. I don’ t want to give up my life again for a man. I came to the realization that I thought I have bad taste in men and that I am not good for any man out there. But the truth is, it time that I change my attitude and stop looking for men I think will be good enough for me, and go for the real type I deserve. I know it sounds deur-mekaar, but I should also stop thinking that life will be better off with a man in it as this is not the truth. My life currently is better off without one in it  the only problem is how I break up with this guy, that I care about and love, but not in love with, without him doing something stupid. See just thinking of that he might do something stupid, gives me the creeps. Please advice how I break up with him in subtle gentle way, because if I do it my way, who knows what will happen.

Right all this, it makes me realize what a damn idiot I am, for falling for such a weird man!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This really, really, doesn't sound like a good idea, and buirning your bridges yet again. The man sounds like he needs a whole lot of psychotherapy before he will be likely to maintain a sound and happy relationship. And anyone with 5 previous divorces is simply statistically not likely to sustain a 6th relationship.
Everything you say confirms that it swould be best for you and your daughter to break up with him. Just say it, calmly and kindly, and firmly.

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Our users say:
Posted by: nawty girl - for Mwila | 2008/08/19

Hey u seems to tell everyone on this site what 2 do and not do
are u so perfect and dont u have anything else to do
heres a finger for u!!! go find something else to do

Reply to nawty girl - for Mwila
Posted by: Mwila | 2008/08/18

I must say I' m proud of how you' ve decided to take charge of your life and be responsible for both you and your child. The weird thing is it' s never easy to break-up with someone, even though you know it' s for the best. You don' t owe this man anything! I think if you tell him in person he' ll manupilate you and emotionally blackmail you into feeling guilty about leaving him. Call him. Heck, sms him (that has worked for me in the past) and tell him it' s not working out for you- or be cruel and say, "  I don' t want to be with you anymore" . Afterwards, don' t take his calls and respond to his sms.

Reply to Mwila

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