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Question
Posted by: Intimidated | 2007/05/14

How did you know?

OK so here goes. I'm 23 and I know I'm onto guys, not girls. So I suppose that makes me gay. No problem so far. My question: how do I know what I really want? Am I an active or a passive? Top or bottom? Where do I fit into this crazy place? The way you guys organise it? How can I tell? Once you're gay the world seems to be about what you're in to, like you're supposed to have a menu availalble? I just detest this so can anyone help me? What are the options and what do they mean? What are the limiits? Everything just sounds so intense and I'm not sure I'm ready for all of this.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Intimidated, a warm welcome to our forum and thanks for your post.

Forget about formulating a menu for now - there's no need to do ANYTHING! Don't be a top or bottom (in fact, forget about these terms), don't be ‘into’ anything and simply explore what you're comfortable (or uncomfortable) with. You don't need to please or satisfy anyone and you don't have to prove anything to anyone. You're a unique person and a unique sexual being, not merely a 'top' or a 'bottom'. You're also an emotional being and a moral being. Take all the time you may possibly need to explore yourself sexually and emotionally. Insist on safer sex (and make sure you're fully clued up on this!) and avoid recreational drugs. Don't try to adapt to anyone or to any circumstance you're not comfortable with or that doesn't make complete sense to you - sexually, emotionally and morally. Take your time - don't let anyone rush you. Explore at your own pace and feel free to back off when you need to or want to.

Forget about the menu for now. Just be yourself, don't make compromises, be honest and sincere and take care of being taken for a ride.

Please keep posting and if you need to know more about safer sex PLEASE post again.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Chameleon_boy | 2007/05/15

Hey intimidated:

Never let some-one intimidate you into doing something you are not comfortable with - Deeve says it best!

But this is where the fun part can actually start, by exploring what you like and dislike (with some1 you can trust completely and stop when you say so) you might even discover something that you never thought off!! Enjoy - hmm must tell my bf its time to explore again!! :-)))

Good luck!!
Stax of hugs

ChamboyXXX

Reply to Chameleon_boy
Posted by: Deeve | 2007/05/15

Hey Intimidated,
Your posting strikes directly home with me too. I also found the 'scene' very awkward when I came out, and hadn't a clue in certain circumstances. What I did immediately realise, was what I was, and wasn't into. There seemed to be a click of Guys out there that wanted you to show them your menu, or they were'nt interested. I soon figured that there were similar Guys to me out there, that didn't conform to this sterotyping, and I wouldn't budge if confronted by those that intimidated me. Some years later, I've discovered what I like and what I don't like, what is acceptable to me and what isn't. There are no rules fellow, but NEVER allow anyone to force you to do anything that you aren't comfortable with. If asked what you're into... maybe tell them anything safe, and only on mutual conscent! Play the field on YOUR terms, and leave if you're not sure!! One day when you find a permanent partner, you can experiment further...always easier when in your own 'comfort zone', so don't worry. Happy Hunting

Reply to Deeve
Posted by: LONEWOLF | 2007/05/15

Hi Intimidated. There is no recipe regardless of who you are of sexual orientation. When you get to the right situation, it will happen. You will soon find out what you like and do not like. Preconceived ideas of how you want things to turn out are not necessarily going to come true. Just be yourself and forget about what others expect you to be. Also, it makes it more fun to find out yourself.

Reply to LONEWOLF

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