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Question
Posted by: Sam | 2005/12/01

How can you "just know"?

Some people say that they "just knew they were different".

What if it's just that you're insecure? I'm insecure about everything, not just my sexuality. Evidence (by evidence, I mean who I've had feelings for in the past, who I've always been drawn to, who I've always felt comfortable flirting with) would indicate that I'm straight.

Could people who say they "just know", just be insecure?

Sorry if I sound like I "just don't understand".

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Sam and welcome to our forum.

I'm assuming that ppl who refer to "just knowing" are the opposite of insecure - they're secure enough to listen to and acknowledge their fantasies and desires. We all know what pushes our buttons in terms of sexual and emotional attraction, and if your attraction has been to the opposite sex then you need to accept that you're straight.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sam | 2005/12/07

I'm just trying to explore the spectrum that the expert's talking about.

I todl him I might be bi yesterday. I think my main clue that I'm not a lesbian is that my gut tells me that if he and I can communicate honestly and openly we'll be fine.

It's kinda hard when that's on the mind though. :S

Reply to Sam
Posted by: Lee | 2005/12/05

nice word, 'bicurious'.

Reply to Lee
Posted by: Sam | 2005/12/03

When I said that "it feels right when I don't try to love him", I meant that being with him feels right and I'm happy when I'm not trying.

Reply to Sam
Posted by: Sam | 2005/12/03

I've always suspected that I was a tad bicurious. I say bicurious because I've never thought about it while talking to any of my girlfriends and I've never had feelings for a girl in my life, always for guys, including the guy I'm currently with, who has made me happier than I knew possible.

A few months ago, we were in a rough patch. I was feeling extremely low, and annoyed at him, feeling the emotional connection fading, and I was at an aunts house and she was talking about my cousin who is gay. My heart sank, because I began to wonder if that was why the emotional connection wasn't always there. Granted, I did spend every waking minute with this guy so it could have just been that I was annoyed or bored of him, but I was devastated because my happiest fantasies were of a future with him.

We had a few GREAT weeks after that, and the only time I'd wonder about it was when I'd think "Haha, you thought you were gay...you're so not". Then I went to Australia for 6 weeks by myself, and I found that I wasn't attracted to any guys AT ALL, and I began to obsess about my sexuality. I go t nervous around other women, and men, because I was so confused. It got to the point where I JUST WANTED TO THINK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. (sorry for the caps) Whenever I've been able to take my mind off of it, or whenever life has forced me to think about something different, going to him or thinking about him has been a comfort for me.

I can't stop wondering if I'm a lesbian. I have a gut feeling that if I get my mind stimulated (because I've been out of school for awhile, and I NEED to have something to keep my mind sharp in order to stay sane), it'll just pass, because when he makes me aroused it's like nothing I've felt before.

I know that you say you should just go with the flow...but I'm an obsessive person, and if I don't have something else to obsess about I can't figure out what my "flow" is. I can't get a conversation going with him because I'm thinking about this. If I could, if I could just relax, I know I'd be able to have fun with him.

When I try to love him, I wonder if I'm gay. When I don't, it feels right.

I just can't stop thinking about it, so I'm busy trying.

Could it be possible that I'm just missing a support system from my girlfriends? Does that happen?

Reply to Sam
Posted by: Nikki | 2005/12/02

Hi Sam ;)

You right, you dont understand, but who does? LOL

I think it is perhaps a combination of feeling secure and satisfied with one's own self. We are afterall different in our own unique way, each person, regardless of sex orientation.

It is afterall not a choice to be gay, the choice comes with how you deal with that fact and not the other way round.

THis is complexed and can take hours of discussion but in the end it begins with the fact that you need to accept yourself whatever your race, gender, religion, etc. No one is going to do that for you and I think most insecurity begins when one tries to hide from oneself.

Reply to Nikki

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