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Question
Posted by: fairy | 2005/01/13

How can we make it better?

I'm 22 year old lady and married to a husband I love so dearly. We are really perfect for each other and have a relationship that make most people jealous. We spend all our free time together braai, socialising, working, playing game etc. We are like best friends!! but ONE BIG PROBLEM

We are both so damn "hardegat" so when we fight about something it turns into one BIG MESS!! I will expect him to make peace first and he want me to make the first Step and so the fights carry on for days, even name calling, sarcasm, swearing and this really do damage to our relationship.

After a few days all is okay, we will talk about it and promise each other not to carry on like two childish kids anymore and to respect each other and stop the fight before it goes to far..... but yeah right.... next it's the same stupid thing.

I would really like to know how to react and what to say in conflict sittuation like these. I know this is going to be so hard for me because like I said, I'm to impatient and to strong willed, like my way or the highway and same for him

Like last night he playfully hit me with a pillow and I played back and accidentally he hit me in the eye (eye very sensitive coz I had operation on eye 3 months ago) I flipped and asked him to be carefull and he said "please, don't be so aggresive about it. (I hate it when people call me aggresive because my dad was an aggresive guy) And there the whole mess start and since now we did not stop. By now it's not even about the pillow fight anymore

I have to find some way to stop our argument and I have to change this for the both of us, because if I can handle it the right way then he will also chill and it won't be this whole competition thing.

PLEAAASSEE Is this normal for couples? Can someone tell me how to stop a fight ( I mean it's really small common fights all people have that turn into a major deal!!) Am I maybe to sensitive? I just don't want to be so sad and see how we hurt each other everytime we fight while we actually love each other to bits?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds exxactly like the sort of situation in which mariage counselling could help so much. Call FAMSA and start working together to perfect the one imperfect area within what sounds otherwise like a happy marriage

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: fairy | 2005/01/13

Dear All
Thank so much for you responses
I'm so glad I'm not the only one!!!!!
I'm so desperate becuase I just can't live like this
CYBERSHRINK, Please help us!!!

Lady Nina thanks for the words" you will lost the battle but win the war!!" I will remember that next time

Reply to fairy
Posted by: Sammy | 2005/01/13

Well well well, sounds very much like hubby an di could have been the person in fairy's posting. Like last week for instance we were arguing because hubby did not want to have a shower before going to bed and i was being finicky because the bedding had just been changed. Eventually the fight moved onto being about how his brother pokes his nose in our lives and about his parents wanting to abandon thier home and move in with us. This eventually resulted in me moving out and hubby wanting to shoot himself !!! Anyways when the storm was over, i moved back home and now its like nothing has happened. This has been going on for the last four years, ever since we were married. At most times though everything is very hunky dory - what is this all about???

Reply to Sammy
Posted by: Nokt | 2005/01/13

I also have the same problem as fairy. If only one could learn to wark away and remain calm, why is so difficult???

Reply to Nokt
Posted by: Q | 2005/01/13

Yes it is normal for couples to fight but here are underlying issues. First things first you bouth need to learn to play the ball not the man, if there is an issue on the table handel that issue and it is ok to not agree on an issue but nessasary to get to an conclusion. the second thing is sound like both of you have anger or temper problems and then are to proud to give in because your partner will think you weak!!! simple rules of a young marrage, hahahaha al part of it!!! the thing is if you dont learn how to handel it it will cause a rift eventually and they are very difficalt to close if ever!!! You need to get to councelling not because your marrige is in truoble but to get to some one that can teach you how to handle your conflict and anger!!! best of luck girl and God bless!!!

Reply to Q
Posted by: lady nina | 2005/01/13

hi girl

it's a person with the strongest character who will made peace first, it's easy to start a fight but very difficult do be humble and make the peace

be the strongest and take the first step, you will lost the battle but win the war....

and he will know in his heart he is wrong but wonder why you make the peace, he will feel bad but he will also realize that you value your marraige so much that you are prepared to be the least and in that work on solutions and not cause problems

it's hard but worth it

nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Tish | 2005/01/13

it could have been me and my hubby in the above posting...

please cs, can you give an explanation? why do two mature people who love each other so much turn into teenagers when they argue? why do we go out of our way to hurt and embarress each other when it would have been so much kinder to just turn around and walk away?

Reply to Tish

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