Posted by: Ronel | 2005/01/13

how can this happen

I am an attractive woman. A lot of people even tell me that. Sometimes even in the shops the cashiers would tell me how pretty I look. It has happened more than once. I have two kids I am not racist but my husband has been cheating on me with a black woman and I cant understand why. Its killing me. My friends even saw him a few times with this woman in the malls. I divorced him for this and he is still with her. It is tormenting me. I just cant let go of it. People see him all the time and tell me about it. It is hurting me so much. How can I get over this please helpl

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Our expert says:
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Ronel, wouldn't you find it hard to understand why your husband is cheating on you with ANY woman ? Why would the fact that she's a black woman make a difference ? IS that somehow more cheating than if he was being unfaithful with any other woman ? Surely not. And if you have already divorced him, he is free to be with any woman he chooses, green or purple, if he wants. And what sort of friends make you feel more miserable by telling you about this, when you need to be moving on with the rest of your life, rather than bothering about who your Ex is going to the Mall with. See a counsellor if you need help to accelerate and improve on the rate you are healing.

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Our users say:
Posted by: g | 2005/01/13

R it takes time to heal for some it is easy to carry on for others a little harder, but give yourself time even a few years as it seems to have eaten your soul and the affirmation of it by friends is the key ask your friends not to tell you tell them straight out he is history and it pains you when they drag it up ask them would they like it if you did it to them that should be your first step change the memory restart slowly one day at a time you will get there, there are so many people out there with problems and they that there is, what you will find is a lot of support from these same people who have been there experienced what you have talk helps even if it is in an email but emails are cold they are not alive so they help to a point only join a divorce support group there are many ways if one wants to repair the hurt and damage or one can live in the shadow of the past and allow the pain to grow and fester making you unhappy the choice is yours take it

Reply to g
Posted by: Poni | 2005/01/13

I must say your man cheating on you is never the easiest thing to accept, whether its done with a white, black or yellow woman.

1. You know that you are a beautiful woman, still young and attractive. So dont think less of yourself.
2. Life is full of pain, but when something painful happens, ussually there is a reason for that.
3. Healing is a process, dont rush. Take time for yourself, cry when you need to and just go throgh the process step by step, one day you will heal and even laugh at it all.
4. Talk to people, try to socialise more often and spend time with those dear to you.
5. Remember you deserve to have a life as well. This coward has a life, so dont stop living because he was simply a jeck.
6. You havent done anything wrong. Be happy that the guilt doesnt lie with you.
7. Just accept that it has happened and you need to get over it.

Good Luck!!! Things will be ok oneday and remember to love yourself.

Reply to Poni
Posted by: lady nina | 2005/01/13

hi girl

i'm in much the same position, my x works in africa and has a black live in lady - he kept denying it for a year but i received a sms that was meant for her, it confirmed that he was emotionally and sexually involved with her... now i know he is my ex and i have no right to anything and i don't have a problem with her being a black lady but i have a problem with the fact that he always lies to me

i know that i'm dissapointed every time he cheat and lies but i don't know how i can break away from him emotionally so he has no power over me

i feel for you girl,

take care


Reply to lady nina

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