Posted by: Concerned | 2007/05/23

How can I help him?

I've got a male friend who is in his late 30's. He is destroying young girls,bully them, sleeps wth them, and leave them hurt. I always tell him what he is doing is wrong, but he's enjoying it. I think he's got a problem, he's missing something( love), because he grew up without his father and mother's love, he was raised by grandparents, now he doesn't know what love is hence doing this. Is there a way that I can help him? bcoz I'm concerned. Or what do you think is the reason for him to behave this way. He's got a good job, a nice car and a beautiful house.
Your contribution is appreciated.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

How do you end up being a friend of someone who behaves so despicably ? He may indeed have a problem ( and the poor girls who fall into his clutches have even more of a problem ) but if he's enjoying it and doesn't see it as a problem, he won't let you do anything about it. He probably has a personality disorder, and that is very difficult to treat, even with a highly skilled therapist ( which, I guess, you are not ) and with him anxiously and sincerely wanting to change ( which I doubt that he is )

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Our users say:
Posted by: rose | 2007/05/23

oi that's bad hey.

yes, i think you are rightfully concerned. i think there is a line between being a bachelor and what you are describing. has he ever had a meaningful relationship with a woman?

sorry if im not really helping, but im trying to think what i would say if he was my friend, but it's rather difficult if they just say they're enjoying it, hey?

maybe you could start a conversation going back to childhood and ask him how he feels about it? and then ask him if he thinks it results from that.(depends how close you are, the things you ask..)

or ask him if he'd have a problem with it if he had to meet the girl he wants to marry and find that she had a new man every week for +_15 years(wow that sounds hectic!)? if you can think of questions like that that would make him think about what you're trying to say.

or ask him if he had to end up all alone for a month with no one around or social places to go to, what he would do to keep himself fulfilled? and then ask him if he does that now...
ie. ask him why does he consider himself fulfilled now.

good luck

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