Posted by: lady nina | 2005/12/13

how can i hate so much

hi there

i hate my ex and if i could get away with it would kill him without a second thought

he is such a angry man and so bitter that he destroys everyone around him - he was only in the country for 2 days and our lives are full of stress, the eldest had her nightmares again and baby wants to sleep with me again - damn that man for having such power over us

i try really hard to be decent with him and his family - i try and control my dissapointment and fear and disgust when i'm near him
i've trained myself not to believe a word he says because the dissapointment of finding out he lies is painfull
i want the girl to respect him and love him but is difficult when he drinks like a fish and is impatient with them not to even mention he fact that he speaks bad of me all the time - my kids are torn in two

one good thing is that we don't see him often - hopefully he will not return for xmas

i look at him and wonder how i can ever think he will change and become a decent human being

just had to get this of my heart - i hate him and i hate the fact that im to weak to overcome this


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds as though his anger is infectious, and you have allowed it to infect you. He is hateful, from your description, and draws hatred from you.
Men like that only have the power we give them. There are very nasty men in Thibet, but they don't affect you --- you don't allow yourself to waste a second bothering about them. He belongs in that same category

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Frusty | 2005/12/13

Geisha, that was totally uncalled for. We are a support forum and I suggest that if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything! We all know Lady nina and her story already, as does she now ours. I suggest that if you want to make a constructive criticism, go back and look at the history of the person and what they have been through.

Just a bit of advice, I don't know how old you are, but you will still learn a few things in life. Some people are just nasty and mean through and through and it does not take someone else to make them that way. I know this for a fact. I am married to one such person who deceived me totally until after we were married and then his true colours started showing.

So please do not make nasty comments until you know the facts.

Reply to Frusty
Posted by: geisha | 2005/12/13

Wow, people come on....are we just gonna listen to her side of the story? What about her husband?

She's making him out to be so bad, when we dont know what she did to him to make him this way.

He probably hates you just as much, and also couldnt bother to see your sad face anymore.

Reply to geisha
Posted by: Sipho | 2005/12/13

Hi lady Nina

I know the feeling....keep strong - one is worth that stress. Hatred can take so much from you.

Be well.

Reply to Sipho
Posted by: Frusty | 2005/12/13

Morning Lady nina, and all others. I agree with everything that FIO has said. I have been married for over 24 years now and can in all honesty say that for more than 20 years I have put up with more than my fair share of, as FIO says, kak! But, you cannot let the bad things interfere and stop you from seeing the good things in life. I have gotten to a stage in my life now where it is almost as if I have blinkers on with regards to my husband and all his nonsense. If you can bring yourself to that point, believe me, life would be so much better. You cannot ignore him as he is the father of your children, but accept what he is, as bad as he is, and just let him and all his rubbish go. I so wish that I could sit down and have a cup of coffee with you and chat further. It has taken me so long to get to the point where I am now and if there was any way that I could short circuit it for you, I would. I am in so much a better place right now. And it is not all to do with attitude change either. There are so many factors involved. But the attitude is where you have to start. Good luck.

Reply to Frusty
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/13

Some kak we can never get out of our lives, so maybe stop trying. Just learn to manage it best you can, and stop trying to beat it.

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: lady nina | 2005/12/13

i know all this but this is going on for a long time - everytime we have any contact the wheels comes off
i'm so sick of fighting the same demons all the time

but yes tom will be beter i'm sure
hopefully he will not return for xmas


Reply to lady nina
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/13

If our knowledge could change our feelings, we would all be happy people. We have a mind for thought, a heart for feeling.

Knowing better? We all know better, but we give life a chance, and thats when we either score, or get hurt. If we listened to everything our minds told us, we would all be single and lonely. You may say its better than what you're feeling now, but loneliness is forever, what you're feeling now is temporary. And now this is where your knowledge comes in - you do KNOW this is temporary!

I always look at life as one big turning wheel, and on it somewhere we have been pinned, our place. So, as the wheel turns, there are times when we are up in the sky on top of the wheel, in the sunshine, and life is lekka. BUt we know that the wheel is turning,and its just a matter of time before the top of the wheel is at the bottm, and we are in the kak. But thats cool, because when we are in the kak, our same knowledge of life should tellus the wheel is still turning, and soon we'll be on the upturn, heading for the sunny skies again.

And so we go, in and out of good times, in and out of kak times. Enjoy the good times becuas eyou know at some stage you're going to be in kak, and when in kak, be happy coz you know at some stage you're going to be in the sun again.

Why do we lose faith when we are in the kak? Knowledge should tell you better...

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: lady nina | 2005/12/13

hi all

thx for the kind words - but now i feel even worse - i feel so sad and upset with myself for "failing the test"
i agree with FIO - yes love and hate is so close to each other, maybe the reason why i can't "move on"

ag i don't know - i'm just sad today and want to cry because - i keep on banging my head against the same wall - i of all people should know better


Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Jakes | 2005/12/13

I agree with NautyG, your advice in the past was and still is much appreciated. You also meant a lot to me. Keep your head up, just be the loving mother you are. Somebody said yesterday THAT is what will be making the impression and will stay with children

Reply to Jakes
Posted by: ZeeZee | 2005/12/13

Hi Lady Nina

I have'nt got any advise for you accept that you must stay strong for your'e girls sake. I know this must be very difficult for you because hatred can comsume you and then it will only make you a bitter person. Don't let this man get the better of you...Good luck

Reply to ZeeZee
Posted by: NautyG | 2005/12/13

Hi FIO - well said, the saying there is a thin line between love and hate is so true - experienced the same thing a few weeks ago, it's dissapointment, resentment, anger, disgust, hurt all combined. Not a nice feeling, but necessary to overcome certain challenges, and to move on to the next phase of healing, acceptance and self discovery. Keep up the excellent advice - for some reason I think you and I could get along just great! Give me your addy if you want to chat?

Reply to NautyG
Posted by: Anon | 2005/12/13

hey Nina
I know exactly how you feel because I feel the same way!! I think what we need to accept is that there are just some poeple in this world who are bad apples - they are NEVER going to change and are just not decent people. I think once we can get our heads around that, they will no longer have such power over us and the kids!

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Jakes | 2005/12/13

I know about the hate. I know it will go away if the other is out of our lives. but it is just going on and on. I detect something of the same with you. They have to change or disappear - simple as that.

I think I know some of what u feel and nobody can really make it better, maybe conseling.

Reply to Jakes
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/13

Hate is a powerful emotion, as powerful as love. Much of your hate is anger, and your own bitterness.

I went through a similar phase 3 weeks ago, I hated her so much for what she had done and who she was, the effect she had on my life.

I think some ofthe hate is because we believed these people to be different, believed they could be different, and we wish they were, wish they would see what they are doing, what they have done. And when it doesn't happen, we get so angry, hurt, bitter, that we hate the person to the n'th degree.

As you have said, some of your hate is because you are battling to not be affected by it. You are not weak, you are just human with feelings, consideration, care etc, and these feelings are not being appreciated and respected byt he person who actuallly still matters in your life - your ex. If he didn't still matter in some important enough way, you would not hate him so much.

So Nina, express your anger, hate or whatever as much as possible, and in a bout a weeks time you'll be so relieved of this stress and built up tension, pressure. The release is amazing, and you'll see that soon after, you are more immune and stronger. It works like that, I am so much stronger and better now after having had my hate release a few weeks ago.

Hang in there, ok?

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: CP | 2005/12/13

More Nina

Ja soms het mens nie eintlik iets om te se of te vra nie maar mens wil net jou hart uitpraat.

Lekker dag jy.

Reply to CP

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