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Question
Posted by: light | 2004/11/09

how can i forgive the unforgiven

a lot of people told me the only way i can get past the hurt,humiliation and bitterness is by forgiving my x that used me and cheated on me, and left me like an old rag. how can i forgive? please tell me how, i want to stop hurting and not feel this bitterness

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Our expert says:
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I get really angry with the number of idiots who themselves have never had anything significant to forgive, who keep lecturing life's victims about how it is our duty to forgive the nasty cruel perpatrators. NONSENSE ! You are under no obligation to forgive a cruel and dishonest Ex at all --- at least not in the sense of telling him that he is forgiven ( which would only encourage him to use other women as unpleasantly ), or in the sense of decidign that what he did was OK r not probelmatic.
But DO, by all means, work on "forgiving" in the private sense of yourself letting go of the grievance, and setting yourself free from the bonds of bitterness that are still typing you to him and his hurtfulness. Move on with your life, and simply abandon the resentment and anger about what he did --- yes, he did it, and he is wicked, but he is in your past and not your present or future, and he won't be allowed to do anything like that to you again.
Maybe make a ceremony of it, write a few pages of all your anger and bitterness against him, expressing it passionately on paper ; then go into the garden or park and burn that letter, letting your bad feelings evaporate like the smoke.

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Our users say:
Posted by: light | 2004/11/10

he married the last one he cheated with, i cant forgive him using me so and now she's got him when he has money etc. while is stayed with him when he had zilch.

Reply to light
Posted by: S | 2004/11/09

Pp
Not all men cheat again
Some learn. My boyf did it by mistake. He was drunk and rang me, crying about how stupid he was. i agreed and I gave him an earful. But I forgave becasue i didn't want to be suffocating under a mistake that HE made, not me

Reply to S
Posted by: pp | 2004/11/09

Move on and get someone new.Whatever you do dont go back to him.If he has cheated once he will do it again...

Reply to pp
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/11/09

Only through true forgiveness can you break the hold this relationship still has over you. As long as you don't forgive, that hold will remain with you.

Forgive and free yourself from these negative feelings and thoughts forever. Don't nurture them.

Reply to Kernel
Posted by: Bull | 2004/11/09

DO IT FOR YOURSELF!!!

Reply to Bull
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/11/09

hi there

you can because you want to ....

you must realize that unforgiveness destroys YOU and does nothing for the guity party - you deserve to be free to carry on with your life.

whatever he has done to you,you survived and you are a stronger person - so there was some good that come from all of that.... next time you'll be wiser when meeting someone new
you have gained more than you have lost

from your pain came something new ,

nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Sunflower | 2004/11/09

You have abviously broken up otherwise you would not have said your x. Why are you letting your x bother you??? I know that you find it dificult to forgive. My question to you is why can't you learn from it and move on???

Reply to Sunflower

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