Posted by: .. | 2007/03/17


I'm in a pickle so please hlep with any advice? I'm in a relationship and also fooling around with one of our mutual friends (who's also involved), my partner doesn't suspect anything because the 'friend' and I are gym buds and he knows we spend lotsa time together. Seriously I know how this is wrong so don't preach to me but I don't know how to end it, there's no love with my gym bud but the sex is the best. Also I really love my boyfriend, no doubt about that, and I really really really feel crap about this but I also feel somehow caught-up in this and seriously value my time and sex with the other guy, it's sex I don't have with my partner so use your imagination and some part of me needs and wants both of them. Without shooting me down, any ideas or comments? Oh been with my partner for 3 years and been with my gym bud for close on 3 years and we've been fooling around almost from day 1 we met. Not instant love - instant lust.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi .. - welcome to the forum and thanks for posting here. You certainly are in a pickle and I like that you say you're "fooling" around.

You're not only cheating on your partner but also on yourself by undermining your own sense of integrity. You're denying yourself a true, sincere, honest and adult commitment to your partner. You say you're feeling guilty and the fact that you've posted here demonstrates that on some level you'd like to stop this.

And you CAN end it. You're not a six-month old baby totally driven by impulses - you're capable of making choices and you need to realise the consequences of your actions. You don't need to feel "...somehow caught up in this..." - as a responsible adult you got yourself into this pickle. And only you can get yourself out of it, if you really want to. Stop playing the innocent victim here - take a hard look at yourself and your actions and do what you know should be done.

Stop bull-shitting everyone, especially yourself. Take control of your life.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Nikki | 2007/03/19

.. MMMm OK so no preaching (this is difficult but let’s give it a go). We all sometime fall into a trap where innocent fun bites us in the ass (excuse the pun)

I think your reasoning in the post is good enough advise to end it. Just do it and do it now.

Some warning perhaps, be prepared for lots of explanation if your lust-bud doesn’t want to end it and go have a word with your love-bud. Should you loose both relationships, well then you will have to have a hard look in the mirror at how you are going to put things right.

Don’t go jump off a roof now, you started it, you end it and face the consequences. All is not lost so instead of going into a depression focus at really proving how much you DO love your love-bud. No more gym is a good start or take your love-bud with.


Reply to Nikki
Posted by: x | 2007/03/18

Well only you can decide on love or lust,what will your boyfriend say if he finds out,perhaps very hartbroken.He loves you,I will say explain that to your gymbud.

Reply to x

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