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Question
Posted by: Befuddled | 2005/12/13

How?

How do you know if you are falling in love with someone? And can you stop it happening?

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Our expert says:
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If you were, why would you want to stop it happening ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Deubel | 2005/12/14

Hi Befuddled, don't let anybody convince you too look for love outside your marriage. First get divorced and then you can explore your feelings for other people.

What you now experience is not love, but the idea of love. You have to know somebody really well in order to really love that person.

From your posting it is clear that you do not love your husband. Sort out this issue first.

Reply to Deubel
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/13

Ok, think of it this way, leaving it is the safe option, but not satifying.

Imagine, down the line in your life you will always be wondering "what if I had...?" And by then, youmay have come to terms with your issues, and be thinking what a fool you were to throw away such an opportunity.

My suggestion is this - get some help coming to terms with your fears, and the best way for that is to really understadn them in depth. When you understadn something properly, it becomes a lot easier to manage and deal with. From the, pursue your dreams without fear.

Love is a wonderful thing that does not happen all that often in ones life. So get yourself ready for it. If you wish to drop it, thats your choice, but then do me the favour of at least understadning your fears, and taking charge of them. Ok?

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: Befuddled | 2005/12/13

The biggest problem is that he has no idea about how I think I feel. I am just so sick and tired of pain and hurt. No more. I cannot help what is happening, but I think just leaving it alone is the best option.

Reply to Befuddled
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/13

Fear never brought anything other than sadness, loneliness and empty dreams.

So what do you can by walking away? What do you gain by pursuing it? Pursuing it gives you a chance for your dreams, running away gives you nothing.

So tackle the real problem, which is not love. The real problem is fear, your insecurities, your worries. Sort those out, and you can have all the love andhappiness you want. No guarantees you wont get hurt, but nuless you try, you will have nothing!

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: Befuddled | 2005/12/13

What I am scared of is so many things. Rejection, pain, hurt, all that and more. I think I should just walk away before it is too late.

Reply to Befuddled
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/13

I disagree. Love is an emotion, and you cannot choose to love. It happens, sweeps you off your feet. All you can do is walk away fromit if youfeel it happening. But you cannot stop it if you keep in contact with this person, because it grows out of contrl each time you are with the person.

What are you scared of? Messing your marriage up?

What do you want, what do you not want? Do you want love? I'm sure you do.

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: Befuddled | 2005/12/13

I do not believe a person has a choice in it. He is everything, and much more, that I could possibly wish for, in every possible way, but I am just so scared.

Reply to Befuddled
Posted by: Lois_Lane | 2005/12/13

Love is not a feeling, it's an act of the will, its devotion not emotion....... you choose whether you want to love someone or not....

Reply to Lois_Lane
Posted by: Befuddled | 2005/12/13

Yes, I am married, if you could call it that. I don't think the age is a problem, but I have just had so much to deal with in my life, I don't know if I really want this. How do I stop it?

Reply to Befuddled
Posted by: slr | 2005/12/13

than what's the problem? are you married? is there a big age gap? what what what?

Reply to slr
Posted by: Befuddled | 2005/12/13

No, he is not married and I am not sleeping with him.

Reply to Befuddled
Posted by: slr | 2005/12/13

nope. but i suppose you can stop yourself from sleeping with him.

is he married? that's gonna hurt.....

Reply to slr

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