Posted by: Milly | 2004/10/18

Horrible sisters-in-law

Am I the only one experiencing this problem. My 5 sisters-in-law and I have never really clicked over the last 15 years (since I married their brother). They have always kept their distance from me even when we saw each other at family gatherings. I am a very friendly person. I heard rumour that they gossip alot when we are out of their sight. Anyway, a few months ago they all clubbed in to help my husband and I with a financial predicament we were in. I thought they had got rid of this chip on their shoulder about me and that things were finally improving. How wrong I was!!!!!

We went to a family party on Saturday night and the apart from them saying hello, I was totally ignored and left alone the whole evening. What is the matter with these sisters????? I get the feeling that they actually enjoy this "cold shoulder" nonsence they direct towards me. I cannot help but feel that they are spiteful people underneath their self-righteous, we-care-so-much attitudes. How can people behave like this? I wish I knew what their problem is. I haven't done anything wrong that I can think of. Two of the sisters and their husbands are supposed to be such Christians but I don't feel any warmth or love eminating from them. Its all a false front and I will never visit them again.

Am I the only one with in-laws like this?

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Our expert says:
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no, you're not

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Our users say:
Posted by: Donna | 2004/10/19

Hi Milly,

How old were you when you married? Maybe these girls think that u stole thier brother away from them. If u guys married at a young age, then they never really had time with him. Or maybe they "pick up" a negative vibe when the 2 of u argue - Then tend to take their brothers side? It happens all over - I tend to take my brothers part when the 2 of them fight. Sometimes there are things that my sister-in-law does that annoys me. Then i tend to give her the cold shoulder. But alas - we sisters are jealous and im 100% sure that is the reason they dislike you.

Reply to Donna
Posted by: phumi | 2004/10/18

hi i can call myself lucky, coz my sisters in law treat me as their own sister, they love me a lot we share talk and laught together,

but i'm not proud of this coz days are not the same, they might cahnge somtimes, what i can say is that if they do bad things to you, keep on loving them, talk to them nicely, and by that you'll win their love and respect to you. they will love more. also remember that you're married their brother not them.

Reply to phumi
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/18

Hi Milly,

No you are not the only 1 with in-laws like this. I find the best is to ignore their attempts to make you feel inferior, as thats what I find their intentions to be, basically.
As you say, you are generally a friendly person so I would say don't allow them to undermine your obvious caring nature. I say this coz this situation otherwise wouldn't have bothered you.
I feel bound to believe that their assistance to you when you were in difficulty most probably gave them the feeling of superiority they so obviously feel to be needing.

My opinion is don't worry about it. Don't take it personally. They are after all sisters, & will tend to stick together. Rumours are just what they are, even though they often tend to undermine our emotions.
My suggestion is just carry on concentrating on being the wife to your husband. Accept that he might need to associate with his family every now & then, but be glad you don't have to see them more often.
Know that you married the man, & not his family, even though they are a part of his life, they don't have to affect the person you are.

One last comment... Know that they affect you the way they do because you allow them to. It's not easy to just cast their behaviour & attitudes aside. It does take effort. The thing is to leave them to their own demise, & hopefully not allow this to affect you marriage.

Just my 2 cents worth. I really hope you can deal with this, look forward to hearing of you success in this regard.

Take care Milly,

Reply to Shaun

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