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Question
Posted by: Medicine | 2003/03/19

HORNY

Hi there Doc

Please could you advise if there is some kind of medication to get a woman horny. She wants to enjoy sex, but she cannot as she says she doesn't feel horny no matter what I do. I have tried everyhting. She says she would like to feel the way she makes me feel. She wants to be able to feel the need for sex.

PLEASE HELP

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Why is it men always complain about not getting "enough" sex in their relationships? Once the initial infatuation phase is over, they begin to look elsewhere for a sexually fulfilling relationship or quietly simmer about not having their needs meet. In comparison, women complain men treat them like sex objects, only there for their pleasure.

"She never wants to do it anymore." "If I even mention sex, she gets upset. What about my needs?" "It's always on her terms--when she feels like doing it! Why can't she experiment?"

The list of men's complaints goes on and on. Why? How does a relationship go from being the most pleasurable, emotionally and sexually fulfilling you've ever had, to stifling and stagnate after a few months or once a commitment has been established.


Unlike men, when women become comfortable in relationships, their sexual drive slowly decreases as their emotional needs are met through the essence of the relationships. Women should guard against this if they want to continue having a sexually fulfilling relationship. Men's needs, however, are more complicated then anyone gives them credit for and more than has been explored.

In our society, machismo is prominent despite the "Man's Movement" making it okay for men to "have feelings". We still require our men to be rough and tough. Parent's still tell little boys, "Don't cry--take it like a man!" and "Don't ever show the person they hurt you; don't ever show your emotions". As adults, men are constantly told, "just show me how you feel". No wonder men feel at odds between their core beliefs and their desire to please their loved one. The fact is, men do not normally make the distinction between physical and emotional feelings. To them, subconsciously, sex is love. I've realized that when a man complains about "not getting enough sex" in his relationship, he's really complaining about not feeling loved by his partner. Sex provides men with the security and love they need but cannot ask for. Sex provides men with the physical evidence that his partner cares enough to allow him such intimate access to her body. Sex provides him with the only "acceptable" (according to machismo standards) manner of displaying his emotions--his sadness, his insecurities, his compassion. During sex, it's ok for him to be unsure of himself, to cry, to give up control. He trusts he will not be ridiculed afterward for showing his feelings--for showing what was once considered his weakness. If ridiculed by his macho-self or by another, he can justify his momentary lack of control by declaring that he only pretended to feel that way so he could get sex. Experimenting with sex and sexual positions not only allows for variety but reinforces the sense of loyalty, compassion, committed, and love his partner has for him. It shows her acceptance of him despite any flaws. And yes, men constantly want sex (a physical declaration) just like women constantly want to be reassured (a verbally declaration) that they are loved. Remember, men respond to physical stimulation, therefore they need the constant physical reminder of your love! So next time you hear a man complaining that he doesn't get enough sex in his relationship, ask him what sex really means to him. You'll be surprised by his response.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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