Posted by: anon | 2012/09/11

homosexuality confession

i recently found out that when my husband was young he was into giving other guys blow jobs, we haver been married nearly 20 years now, and i feel he deceived me, as i should have known before we got married, but non the less, i love him very much, but am battling with images in my head, i dont want to know the details, or how many dicks he sucked before we got married, but to find out now, when we have almost grown children, that my husband was a -|- sucker has broken my heart. he says he was never gay, and never let any guy touch him, he finds nothing attractive about a man, but just enjoyed giving blow jobs, it all does not make any sense, he even admitted to still occassionally fantasising about it, but would never act on it because he loves me, our sex life is great, and he adores my body, but i am battling to understand if he is heterosexual, how he could have enjoyed such a thing, he was abused at 6, when he gave his first bj, but did not understand at the time what he was doing, but from 12 until over 20 he definately understood, and chose to give blow jobs whenever he could without been found out, as he has a tough guy reputation, and still does have, but only i know that he is not the man he portrays, everything makes sense now, he trims or shaves his pubes, and says he just likes it that way, so now i am really concerned, i told him never to do that again, but the pictures wont leave my head, i dont think i will ever give him a bj again, but how does a wife get over such a thing, this news is far worse than if he had an affair, but he is such a good husband and father, he treats me like a queen, but i cant get past this, i need help, i cant have a normal sex life again, knowing what i now know, it was a long time ago, so why cant i just forget about it, he should never have told me, but said he felt he was living with a secret, and we shouldnt have secrets, because he has become a christian and felt the to confess to me was the right thing to do, to help him get over his past, and his fantasies, but it sure has not helped me, he often goes down on me after sex, or kisses me after i have given him oral, now i know he actually likes the taste of cum, that is why he does that, or used to, i wont allow that any more, for obvious reasons.every time he talks about his youth or a friend, i now wonder if he gave him a bj,its all i think about, even when looking at old photo albums of him and his friends from before we were married
1. can a woman ever get over such a thing
2. can a gay man become straight, really straight, where a penis disgusts them
3. should i make him tell me the details, so i dont make assumptions,
sorry for long post, i have so much more to say

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Dear Anon,

My global response to your post would be to consider processing your dilemma with a sex therapist who can deal with the multiple themes that you raise in your post which cannot be dealt with sufficiently and done justice too is this kind of a forum.

Some points I would raise are:

The actually lived experience of him, your relationship and your sex life of the last nearly 20 years have been absolutley real, you were there, you felt it, you experienced it and from all accounts from your description you are happy at many levels in this relationship. Let that be your starting point in addressing this information you have been given about his sexual past.

Human sexuality is very complex and in most apsects as human beings we exist on spectrums of sexual orientation, gender identity, turn ons and turn offs and in most cases be do not fit into neat little boxes of heterosexual, homosexual, masculine, feminine, etc.

That said I would suggest you get to sit down with a sex therapist and talk all this through.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: ABU | 2012/09/29

Where does one find a sexologist SASSHA does not seem to replies to fones or Emails

Reply to ABU
Posted by: Paul | 2012/09/12

This has to be the dumbest most idiotic bunch of People that I have come across on any Post before. You are all going on about " It''s the Past '' he Loves you - forget it - move on - etc etc etc" !! Are you all blind? How can you expect this Woman to just forget this and move on as if nothing had happened? If My Wife came to me and told me that she enjoyed having Sex with 4 Big Black Guys at once before we were married - it would freak the Living hell out of me! - or maybe that she enjoyed Bestiality as a Teenager? Would you all give me the same advice? - the same dumb advice? - seeing that you are all bloody experts?? Anon - there are no right or wrong answers to your problem - this is an issue that only you can decide on - and it''s a tough one! Take your Time and don''t rush anything but do what you think is right for you - without all this useless crappy info you are receiving! Good luck to you!!

Reply to Paul
Posted by: BlackMack | 2012/09/12

@Anon. what happened prior to your marital engagement with your husband had nothing to do with, it was his.sexual pleasure (though it may have been instigated by an abused nature - this is what you as a couple needs to look at). he meant no harm and feel that YOU are The one he should share thus with (rather than a therapist where he may feel uncomfortable with and may feel like he''s looney).
It''s not about you but it is something he would like to sure with you to build an even stronger marriage without deception. he loves you (that''s a fact - damn what a guy to coke out with something like that)

Reply to BlackMack
Posted by: Paul | 2012/09/11

Very tough one - it will always be in your mind and could destroy your marriage. I have to admit - his decision to tell you was dumb as Hell!!

Reply to Paul
Posted by: antoinette2011 | 2012/09/11

Tough one...but datz what it is..." The Past" , so try to understand if from his side, he is trusting you enough to divulge such secrets, support him and continue to enjoy da greatest sex and marriage you have...we all have skeletons in our closet, and you should not judge him. As for the shaven parts, nice...datz da way to go in the 21st century...get on with the hair,period...datz gross

Reply to antoinette2011
Posted by: Max | 2012/09/11

Wow anon - I think your are the one with the issues and not your hubby.
You seem to be blowing this whole thing out of proportion, so ask yourself:
1. does he love me?
2. does he abuse me?
3. is he a good father?
4. has he ever cheated on me?
5. does he respect me?
6. have we got a good healthy marriage and relationship?

strange to me how you cant overlook some things that happened so long ago!

Reply to Max
Posted by: lee | 2012/09/11

Anon just get over it it`s not like you were already with him at the time,as for shaving pubes this is the 21st century most men do it.

Reply to lee
Posted by: lee | 2012/09/11

Anon just get over it it`s not like you were already with him at the time,as for shaving pubes this is the 21st century most men do it.

Reply to lee
Posted by: XXX | 2012/09/11

Please do not say " many"  men have experimented with giving other men bj''s etc,this is simply not true.I will never understand why a normal " hetrosexual"  male will want to do this,there has to be some form of leaning towards homosexuality.
In your case " anon" ,if it was something he did many years ago and never again,I would try and forget it if he makes you happy in all ways.
You say you have a good sexual relationship which appears to be very rare these days,just enjoy it

Reply to XXX
Posted by: a man | 2012/09/11

this is not that unusual, many men have experimented with this when younger, you should not take it so seriously otherwise It''s going to affect what sounds like a good marriage.
you also seem to have issues with him shaving his pubes, this is in no way a gay thing, more and more men are doing this. my lady loves that I do it and it results in a lot more oral action for me. you getting yourself worked up for nothing.

Reply to a man
Posted by: Di | 2012/09/11

I think this is more common than one realises, I have also had to deal with this, but where there is total honesty we can try understand, and concentrate on our good marriages, good sex life, and look forward. stay strong, talk about it, get details if you have to, but to move forward, not to hold onto the past

Reply to Di

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