Our expert says:
My global response to your post would be to consider processing your dilemma with a sex therapist who can deal with the multiple themes that you raise in your post which cannot be dealt with sufficiently and done justice too is this kind of a forum.
Some points I would raise are:
The actually lived experience of him, your relationship and your sex life of the last nearly 20 years have been absolutley real, you were there, you felt it, you experienced it and from all accounts from your description you are happy at many levels in this relationship. Let that be your starting point in addressing this information you have been given about his sexual past.
Human sexuality is very complex and in most apsects as human beings we exist on spectrums of sexual orientation, gender identity, turn ons and turn offs and in most cases be do not fit into neat little boxes of heterosexual, homosexual, masculine, feminine, etc.
That said I would suggest you get to sit down with a sex therapist and talk all this through.
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