Posted by: destroyd mom | 2010/03/01

homo sexual

I am absolutely devestated and don''t know how to act, or react to my latest discover.
My son is 19 years old and I just discovered that he had homo sexual activities in his matric year.
I feel betrayed and can not deal with this situation. I am so disappointed in my son and don''t know how to approach him, maybe I''m to scared to face the answers I will get.
He went through a very difficult time in his life and I think he don''t know who he is and where he belongs.
I want to " kill"  everyone of them that did this to him.
Please advice me before I make a very irrational decision.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Dear Mom
It is important that you first see a counsellor and go through your process of how you see your own sexual attitudes and thoughts .This willallow you to be comfortable with yourself and to then be able to look at the situation at hand and deal with it appropriately.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: A Gay Boy | 2010/03/09

Hey Mom,
I know you appear devistated right now, and are probably asking yourself over and over what YOU did wrong...I''m afraid you did absolutely NOTHING wrong! Being Gay is, and never will be a choice! You are either interested in Guys or you aren''t...full stop! No one did ANYTHING to your son...he took part in these activities because he wanted to...and no doubt will continue if he so wants to. How did you find out...did he tell you, and you allowed things to blow up in his face? This will only lead to him never confiding in you again. Can you imagine how much confidence and love he has for you...please don''t let this be destroyed over YOUR not being able to deal with this. I urge you to get proper councilling and help work through YOUR feelings and inability to cope with this. No doubt your son has also struggled alone (probably for a long time)withhis confusion and feelings, and could also be very fragile and looking for help. Your current stance on things will only drive you all further apart....this is a simple reality of life. I''m afraid this is not about you, or what you want, or would like from life. This is about him, and what makes him happy. Please put your pride in your pocket, and learn about the Gay community. Google, read, get books, ask questions, go to the library, phone the Gay and lesbian help line...just do whatever is necessary for you to get over these obstacles that are standing in your way...and continue to love your son the way you always have. His sexual preference will never change who he is...YOU just need to get over the fact that he may never give you grandchildren....etc
Lastly, there is NO fix for cure, no NOTHING! Your son is NOT sick...and please leave the Homosexual part out of this. He possibly has a different sexual preference...and derogitory name calling is no longer acceptable. He is not queer, not a homo, not anything but your son.
P.S..the responses above are all similar...please don''t go listen to some anti Gay advice...they will only mislead you further, and you will loose your son....guaranteed.

Reply to A Gay Boy
Posted by: Yr other son | 2010/03/02

Dear Mom, my advise to you will be to love him no matter what. I''m 34 yrs and still closet case. my mother has the same attitude as you and we basically lost the son/mother relationship when I was 22 yrs. It hurts to think that I had to resort to *other mothers* for advise.

Sha has been asked by a close relative what will happen if it turned out that I''m gay. The phone line went dead since then. The saddest part is She is still alive , yet it''s like she is not there.

Reply to Yr other son
Posted by: a man | 2010/03/02

I agree with the responses above, There is no need to over react. A lot of guys experiment with men at this age. If it turns out to be more than that then he needs you love and support, it is no use fighting it as you cannot change it as hard as it may be. It does not make him less of a man, he is you son and will always be, so just try and support him as much as possible should it turn out he is gay.

Reply to a man
Posted by: Woman | 2010/03/02

I am sorry, but you need to catch a wake up. No wonder you have no idea whether you son is gay or bi. With a judgmental attitude like that, I''m sure he shares no details of his private life with you! It is your choice how your adult children will act towards you. You gave birth to this boy, and you are supposed to love your son. Regardless of whether he is successful in work or love or life, regardless of whether he''s gay, straight or bi.

Your son obviously doesn''t trust enough in your love and acceptance of him as a person to tell you whether his gay experiences were just experimentation or whether he has made up his mind. Your son cannot and should never be forced to live his life to make you happy. The sooner you realise this, the better for you, and your " man''s man"  husband.

Oh and by the way, I know many gay people, and most of the men I know who are gay, love braais, rugby, cricket. Most of them don''t have a fashion sense and they don''t think twice about getting under a car''s bonnet to fix what is wrong. Definitely men amongst men. Get your image of what being gay is right, lady. He''s still a man, he sexual orientation has nothing to do with his being a man.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: peter | 2010/03/01

It''s not easy to, but you have to just accept it, if he was forced into it, it''s abuse but you can''t assume that he was and therefor want to " kill everyone of them"  You can''t live his life for him, he needs to make his own decsions. If he is gay and it was not just experimenting he is still your son, so try and rather deal with it, even though it may take some time rather than lose your son, because you simply cannot change someone from being gay to straight or vice versa. My ex wife''s Mom went through this with her son, she only found out when he was in his late twenties, and she was also devasted at the time, never mind his father who is a real mans man. It wasn''t easy but they got through it, and although I''m now divorced from his sister and not part of the family, I know that they have all dealt with it, and they all have a good relationship. Just be careful of pushing your son away from you, your reaction is normal, but how you handle things from here will determine your future relationship with your son

Reply to peter
Posted by: XXX | 2010/03/01

A lot of children experiment with sex in one form or another,so be careful how you approach him.
It is not a bad idea to chat to him but don''t go at him like a bull in china shop.It could have been a simple teenager experimenting BUT could be that he does have gay feelings.If this is the case then you might need to be strong and support him (as tough as that might be).
He is your child and none of us want to have to go through something like this but he will always be your son.
Have a heart to heart chat to him.
Good luck

Reply to XXX

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