Our expert says:
What you are going through sounds horrible: lots of uncertainty, feeling that you are loosing your health, and loosing trust in your husband.
1. Although the chance is very small, get your child tested to make sure.
2. You obviously don't have a husband that deserves your trust and respect, since it is blatantly obvious that he has no intention of taking responsability for the wellfare of your relationship by discussing HIV and changing his behaviour. Although you may still love him and might need the financial security provided by your marriage, this situation is actually abusive and will do you a great deal of dammage if it doesn't change. Both of you need counselling and emotional support, but he must be a man and learn to take responsability, facing the facts of his life. Although I hate saying it, divorce may well be a legitimate option if he refuses to do that, even if you live according to a religious perspective.
You need much more emotional support than I can give you on an online forum, but please do continue being involved and sending in questions as they arise. The peer forum is also a wonderful place for support. Free HIV counselling is also available over the phone on 0800-012-322, and they will be able to point you to other useful resources in the area where you live.
As for living a healthy, long and productive life with HIV, that is very much possible. And I imagine that at 26, you have much to live for, including your children. Keep up a solid relationship with your docter and get the emotional support you need. A healthy mind will be crucial to motivate you to maintain a healthy body.
All of the best.
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