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Question
Posted by: labyrinth | 2007/03/13

hiv

hey guys

i heard yesterday one of my good buddies is hiv+... really shocked... having difficulty dealing with it... what should i do?... he wants to stay with us for a while but my gf is refusing... i can't reject a friend... a dear old friend.

i'm also freaking out to some extend because i had a 2 month relationhsip about a year ago with a girl who's sexual history is a mystery to me. should i get tested?! never before has it been so true that you sleep with all your partner's partners!!

help...
love & light (seems quite loveless & dark today)...

xxx

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi again Labyrinth and thanks for your post.

I'm not sure why your girlfriend is opposed to your friend coming to stay for a few days - is she opposed to other people staying over? - but she should know that you cannot contract HIV from social interaction.

Congrats on testing negative yourself, and hats off to you LoneWolf :)

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: LONEWOLF | 2007/03/16

Hi Labyrinth
Glad it is going so well. Everyone deals with it in a different manner. It is a sometimes a very lonely road to travel, as some of the people you least expect it from, gives you the least assitance. There are also "stages" if I can call it that, denial, grief, depression, hate, sadness, loneliness, etc, etc. The thing is you have to deal with it, and only you can deal with it. If you cannot deal with it yourself, get professional help. By the way I just got my CD4 and viral load counts back, (having it done every 3 months or so). The viral load is almost non existant, and the CD4 count the best in many years. I think a lot has to do with positive thinking. Keep very well my friend and give all the love you can to your friend. Please keep me informed and I will try to give advise as much as I can in my limited way. LONEWOLF

Reply to LONEWOLF
Posted by: labyrinth | 2007/03/15

howdy folks :)

thanks everyone!!... lonewolf what an amazing story! enjoy every second of every day!! love & light bru! ;)

my friend is doing much better... over the initial shock... and in his words... "This gemini has a bad streak of adapt and move-on with a moment's notice." ... rock on bud!...

i'm negative!!... got the results this afternoon... i've written many tests, but this was the most important test i ever took!!... really a new lease on life & what it means... the sun is shining... !

abundant love & light to you and yours!

may we all realise the precious gift of life we have ...

Reply to labyrinth
Posted by: Nikki | 2007/03/14

Great going Lonewolf and many thanks for the tips

xxxxxx
Nikki

Reply to Nikki
Posted by: LONEWOLF | 2007/03/14

Thanks Deeve. I had been through so many unhappy relationships and met with so many "not so nice" people that I first wanted to make sure. At the moment we are taking it very slow, and first get to really know each other. Previously I (as many others) thought that all relationships develop rather quickly. How wrong can one be. It takes time, patience and a lot of dedicated work to get a meaningful relationship really off the ground. Some guys might differ, but I learned it the hard way. Thinking positive is one of the skills I forced myself to learn and keep up. it is amazing what the power of possitive thinking can make you achieve. I made a new years resolution that 2007 WILL be better, regardless. It is actually so simple that I cannot believe how I let some stupid and mundane things rule my life. It entails a lot of soul searching and testing of the water. it even entailed breaking certain emotional attachments and taboos. For example, certain family members who uses all kinds of emotional blackmail etc. Simple, just ignore it and get on with your life.

Speak to you again

Reply to LONEWOLF
Posted by: Deeve | 2007/03/14

Hey Lonewolf......I'm so HAPPY for you!!! You certainly are the silent type! Never said a word........
Do keep us informed on how the 'Love Lifes' going. From all of us here. Best Wishes.....! See, your positive attitude has finally paid off.......!

Reply to Deeve
Posted by: LONEWOLF | 2007/03/14

Hi Labyrinth

I have been living with HIV for over 12 years now. IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD, although I used to think so. So here are a few tips.
1. Get informed as much as possible.
2. Give as much love as possible to your friend. IMPORTANT TO TOUCH HIM, my experience was that some people are afraid to touch you. Your friend is still the same as before. You are a bigger threat to him than the other way arround.
3. There are of course limitations, but nothing that cannot be overcome.
4. Get your friend to go and see and tell his GP. I did, the GP, the dentist, my financial advisor, the lot, and you feel immediately as if at least some of the strain is gone. This does not mean that you have to go and announce it publicly. The decision to go on ATR treatment should be taken in conjunction with a doctor. ATR's are not poison and does not make you sick.
5. Stay away from all kinds of easy-out methods. You do not have to change your diet, your exercise routine, your religion etc. Try and stay as normal as possible. I went over the deep end and became an alcoholic.
6. Healthy living, less smoking and drinking and exercise are of course good, they are anyway, so try that.
7. Let your friend TALK TALK TALK TALK as much as he wants. Even if you do not have answers, just listen and be there.
8. Be prepared that he will loose some friends, I did. Some people tend to tell you all about love and support and then just fade away. If it happens, see it as them being not worth of your friendship. You do not need them. (Harsh words???)

O, and he can even be in a relationship that is absolutely fantastic. I thought relationships was over for me for ever, and guess what, last December I met my Prince Charming and it is going WONDERFULL, and he is HIV negative. We are very carefull with sexual intercourse, but there is nothing lacking.

Please give your friend my advice and LOVE him to bits. About the moving in, listen to NIKKI.

Keep well

Reply to LONEWOLF
Posted by: labyrinth | 2007/03/14

morning guys... Deeve / Nikki / Anon !

feeling much better today... thanks guys for all the advise & support!... :) it's much appreciated! ... to anon... sorry about your loss & your great view on living!

gf has (just about) agreed to get informed before making emotional decisions of him not visiting / staying with us (nothing going on between me & him except friendship :) ) ...

and i'm getting tested... putting it to bed... heard from miss x... (tx)... she didn't seem that concerned... and in any case that's probably all i needed! ...

hugs & kisses
l
xxx

Reply to labyrinth
Posted by: Anon for this one. | 2007/03/13

Hi there. Im not quite the expert on this subject but i lost someone very dear to me with this illness. And my opinion is please go to the HIV peer Forum and read a little what is happining there. If you are positive does not mean death it means rather "wake up and start living heathy"and getting tested is always the best thing to do.
Thanks

Reply to Anon for this one.
Posted by: Deeve | 2007/03/13

Hi There me again.... I have friends who are HIV positive, so it never occured to me what Nikki has suggested. They are VERY normal folk!! Maybe you DO need to clarify whether your partner feels that he will cramp your style, or whether it's because he's HIV positive. Good one Nikki...!

Reply to Deeve
Posted by: Nikki | 2007/03/13

Ladyrinth,

Would your partner have accepted him moving in if he was not HIV+?

Is it because of his HIV status or the fact the your partner is afraid there could be something between you and him?

If it is all about HIV+, here is a few tips

1. Get tested to ease your own mind. Your partner too.
2. Living with someone that has HIV+ is not suicide or any bigger risk then living with someone who is HIV-.
3. Read up on how to support someone with HIV+, it is the unknown that causes fear and stigmatision NOT HIV+ or -.

xxxxxx
Nikki

Reply to Nikki
Posted by: Deeve | 2007/03/13

Hi Labyrinth,
I can understand your mixed feelings right now. One always looks at situations, but never contemplates things until they end up on your own doorstep!! Has your friend also just found out...? I can understand that him moving in may put an enourmous strain on your relationship, so you may have to juggle things a bit. I'm sure your friend is needing every bit of support right now. But at the same time, you can't afford to end up without a partner either. Tough one. Try and explain to your friend that he still needs to stand on his own two feet, but you will always be there for him. Maybe spend lots of time with him, but don't let him move in. Not easy......
On the home front...go get yourself tested for peace of mind. It is a little scary, but the truth will allow you to move on and put this one 'to bed', so to say.
Best of luck....

Reply to Deeve

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