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Question
Posted by: Chocolate | 2004/01/05

Highly Insecure.

Quite a lot has happened in the past few years that inevitably would change anyone. But my problem is that I have become withdrawn and highly insecure. I have been overly sensitive about things that didn't bother me in the past. I am in a generally great relationship and have been for a year and a half. We usually speak our minds if something the other has done or said, buggs us. But it's the smallest things, like when we're out in a group and sais or gives the impresion that someone else, looks good, is beautiful or should go dance on stage. I am an ex model and dancer so I have never been insecure about my looks of someone dancing well. Maybe it's that I was always the one people would compliment and cheer for. But this buggs me when my boyfriend does this to other girls. My previous best friend slept with 2 of my ex boyfriend and 2 while I was dating them. When I found out I forgave her but could never trust her or men. I know I can trust my boyfriend but the thing that worries me is not weather or not he'll cheat. I am constantly worried about wheather he finds someone else attractive, weather he looks at a girl and makes love to me but thinks of her. What do I do and how do I make this insecurity go away.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well, apart from suggesting counseling, think the issue through on your own. You are an attractive and loveable person --- you know that, for sure. However beautiful or pleasant someone else is, how does that make you any the less loveable or attractive ? In what way could that possibly happen ? That's like saying that though you have splendid black hair, the mere fact that someone else's hair is also black, somehow makes yours less black ?
You are what you are, and what you are is Fine.
So he might find some other woman attractive, in the sense of appreciating her looks ? Why not ? He had sufficient really good taste to appreciate your attractivness, so we know he notices and appreciates. But though he almost certainly also admires the special cars some other people muight have, he doesn't think of them while he's driving his own car, and the mere existence of a Rolls-Royce doesn't make him appreciate his Porsche any less, does it ?

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