Posted by: Yello | 2008/11/10

High School for my son

Hello Cybershrink

I wrote in a while ago that my 13 year old son was acting out. He had a fight at school on the premises with one of his so called friends who had been " mom dissing"  him the whole holiday, and so on the first day back he belted him and was suspended for two days (a few punches thrown, no one was hurt).

Then two weeks later he gets suspended again, his friends had heard that " benzene"  was cool to sniff so they convince my son to buy it, he like an idiot takes it to school and they get caught. As he bought it he gets suspended again (he even asked me during that week what benzene was?!?).

Both times there are disciplinary enquiries. After the second one I was told he cannot come back to the school again next year.

He got one trip to the school " psuedo wanna be phsychologist"  guidance councilor" , to find out what his issues are.

I had asked them earlier in the year to move him from that class as there were two kids he was getting involved with that I did not like. My son is easily influenced, not a leader, and a late bloomer so very eager to impress his friends. These two were getting up to all sorts of mischief with him happily joining in. He was also " failing"  afrikaans in that class as the teacher and him did not click from day one.

He is quiet, introverted and bloody naughty on the sly, and I am trying not to make excuses for him.

My problem is that I cannot find another high school for him. He is in a private school at the moment which I bleed to pay every month.

The government high school simply says that they are full, and that I can pitch up there the day school starts next year and they will tell me if they have space?

The other private school in the area obviously phoned the principal and got the whole story so they wont accept him either.

Even at work you get three warnings! He had no priors! At primary school the teachers forgot he was in their class he was so quiet.

So what do I do with him? I have punished him to within an inch of his life. He cant go out, his cell phone was confiscated forever.

Will taking him to a psychologist and getting a report that he is not a unrehabitable (is there such a word) delinquent help?

My nerves are shot, as he is not a bad person, and he is starting to feel that he is, as I am not reacting very well to all this rejection.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It does sound unjust, and an area in which human rights laws in this country should perhaps get involved. Is there a possibility for you personally to make appointments to see both the headmaster of his current school, and that of the other alternative school, to discuss the situation ? If he is primarily a follower, his actions were unfortunate,n but the school ought to be much more interested in dealing with the ringleaders who will only switch to influencing someone else once he goes.
Seeing a psychologist may help --- not only in writing a letter ( if this is indeed what he/she finds ) clarifying that the boy is NOT a psychopath and not incorrigible ( THERE'S a good word for it ! ) --- and in trying to understand better what has been happening to him and what best might be done about it.
It may be important to make it clear to him that while you are angry and hurt by some of the things he has done, you do not consider HIM to be a bad person, only someone who sometimes does bad things, and can and should change this

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