Posted by: Tired | 2009/03/16

High libido


I need advise. I have a very large/over-active libido. Not the nympho kind, but I think close. My wife on the other hand has a low libido. This, as you can imagine, causes problems. She is not the problem, I am. I need to learn to calm down or something.

What can I do or who can I go see?????

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

When you say you have a high libido, it is useful to try to determine whether it is IN FACT too high relative to other men, and if so, how this is problematic (i.e. do you then masturbate compulsively, or act out your desire in other ways - with sex workers, accessing porn on the internet, etc.)? I'm not saying these activities are in an of themselves PROBLEMATIC, but they can be for some relationships/individuals... So, if you have a problem in this line, then it may be worth seeing someone to assess for a sexual addiction. HOWEVER, if you're referring to a relatively normal discrepancy between men and women in a committed relationship (i.e. if you could have sex almost every day and she would be happier with once or twice a week) then this may have an entirely different management plan. One first needs to understand the reasons for your wife's lower libido - is it the normal decline that many MANY women experience after a few years in a committed relationship, or is it even more than that. The reason why you would need to understand this, is that any psychological / physical health problems could impact negatively on her desire for sex, as can any relationship difficulties/stressors you might be experiencing. These would need to be addressed in order for her to 'maximise' her responsiveness. Then what remains is the management of the discrepancy - i.e. how do you accommodate both your and her needs? Does it always have to be by penetrative sex, can you sometimes do other things (e.g. she stimulates you, or you stimulate yourself) if she's not in the mood.

I would recommend that you are both seen for an assessment to identify any problem areas and then to see how you can try to manage your differences to the satisfaction of you both! You can find a local sexual health practitioner from your GP or the SASHA website/helpline ( or 0860 100 262)

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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