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Question
Posted by: Snoopy | 2003/02/25

Her jealous chases away my friend

I am in 18 months relationship which I believed to be based on trust, love and understandung, my girlfriend is very jealous that I am losing my best friend who donated me an organ when I was very sick and needed it (Kidney), I love my girlfriend and I do not want to loose her and my friend either, there is nothing going on between me and my friend except that we treat each other as siblings.

please help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Snoopy, it sounds as if you need to sit down with your gf and talk tings through calmly. Is she young, perhaps inexperienced at relationships ? Such needless jealousy often stems from insecurity, and too often brings about exactly the situation the person is dreading.
She surely needs to understand that tis is a special and long-term friend, who literally saved your life, and that a part of this friend is, literally, both physically and emotionaly, a part of you now. And that is not going to change. Your gf needs to know that this is either something she must accept, so you can get on with the rest of your relationship with her, or, if she cannot accept it, she needs to leave the relationship and find another. Such good friends are not to be bartered away because of someone else's insecurities.
If she can't offer you the love, trust and understanding you have been offering her, then she needs to be with someone else, and you need a new gf who is more understanding and mature.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Visitor | 2003/02/25

Jealousy can get ugly and destroy a relationship, but mostly jealousy is caused by insecurity. The person who is jealous usually feels so insecure and threatened. So perhaps you can do a bit by making sure that your g/f knows how you feel about her.
Tell her that the choice is hers or not whether to accept your friend as a vital part of your life, and if she can't accept it, then she must move on. You can't be in a relationship where you have to give up an important part of yourself because of their insecurity.
Maybe she needs to spend some time with you and your special friend so that she can be more comfortable and not feel left out .. just a thought in case she is feeling that way. Ask her what her fears about the friend are and also remind her that if you wanted to go out with you friend you would have done that already.

Reply to Visitor
Posted by: Paul | 2003/02/25

Tell your GF then that there is a part of your friend living inside you, and that if it werent for her youd not be around, surely any sane human being would understand that. Although on the other side I shouldn't talk being jealous myself.

Reply to Paul

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