Posted by: CeeCee | 2008/09/18

Help....I' m drowning in misery!

Hi CS and everyone,

I' m in urgent need of help and I know that the longer I put off getting help, the worse my situation is going to get.

I' m a 27 year old single female with no children yet.
I started working from a very young age (odd jobs while still in high school, and I even opted to finish my degree through correspondence so that I could work permanently), and I' ve always been used to financial freedom.

I moved out of my parents home at the beginning of last year and that' s when all my problems began to unravel. I had a pretty good job at the time and my then boss convinced me to move out and find an apartment closer to work. I decided to follow his advice because although I didn' t have any money saved up, my job had huge earning potential. I soon found a place and because I didn' t have any furniture or appliances, I took out a massive loan with a bank trying with the idea being to consolidate my debts and also buy the few things that i needed. I was able to pay off little things like clothing stores, credit card bills etc. and for about a month or two things were fine - I could afford my rent, car instalments, the big loan repayment. However, the ' huge earning potential'  I referred to earlier was not materialising, no matter how hard I worked. I eventually started needing clothes, so I ran up my retail store accounts again, I started running short of cash, so I started running up my credit cards again, my bank acoount was always in overdraft and I was becoming increasingly depressed.

About halfway through last year things were so bad that I took out some personal loans from work. At the same time I was starting to resent my job because for the first time in my life I was facing financial problems and there seemed to be no solution in sight despite all the verbal promises. When I' d maxed out all my credit cards and I couldn' t take out more loans at work, I applied for loans at all these so-called finance houses (ie RCS) and it was at this point that I was getting into more debt, while trying to pay off existing debt.

I then arrived at a point where I was so unhappy and felt so over-worked and under-rewarded that I decided to look for greener pastures jobwise. I found another job which seemed promising at the time but things did not work out - I was there for only 3 months (until the end of last year).

Then my real nightmare began: I battled to find another job for 3 months and during period (because I was already in debt), everything fell apart. I didn' t have a cent to my name. My cellphone contract was suspended - which made job hunting even harder, all my accounts fell into more arreas, all my loan repayments fell behind, I started receiving threatning letters, followed by letters from attorneys. All of this scared me witless and the only I could cope with it was by burying my head in the sand. I stopped opening the letters, I stopped keeping track of my accounts, loans etc. I stopped even caring just how much and to whom I was indebted. Now that I look back I realise it was the wrong approach but it' s the only way I could carry on facing the world. I kept telling myself that I' d soon find a job, call up everypne that I owe and make arrangements to pay them back.

Well that didn' t happen and the next thing I knew I was blacklisted.
This devastated me but I knew what had led to it and again I just kept telling myself that I' d be able to pay everyone off.

I eventually found a job in March this year but the problem is that I do not earn a lot. My monthly expenses are far more than my salary and although I' ve started re-paying some of my creditors, I can' t pay all of them. So the harrasing phonecalls continue, and so do the threatening letters.

Throughout this entire time my father has been helping me out with certain things (he paid my rent for the 3 months that I was unemployed) and he continues to help here and there with things like petrol, sometimes groceries - but he never lets me forget it. He drinks and then brings all of this up and tells me what a failure I am and how he still has to take care of me las if I' m still in high school. He always demands to know what was the point of taking me to fancy schools, and why did he have to pay through the nose for my tertiary qualification if he still has to be responsible for me to this day. All of this hurts me a lot and although I hide it well, the cracks are beginning to show.

This entire nightmare has led to my becoming more and more depressed. I cry a lot, I am despondent towards life in general and throughout the past year all my other insecurities have surfaced: the fact that I am battling a weight problem, the fact that I cannot seem to hold down a steady relationship, the fact that I' m still angry with my parents for the childhood I had (my father was is alcoholic who physically abused my mother and myself for many years, and my mother refused to leave him), the fact that I' m longing to have children but cannot concieve and cannot afford fertility treatment, the fact that everything around me seems to require money - money that I just don' t have!

To add to my woes, a very close family member of mine was brutally murdered in June this year - him and I were very close and his death totally shattered me. I don' t have any siblings of my own and he was like my younger brother (in reality he was my cousin). He was so young (19) and his life was so unfairly stopped short. His death has sunken me into more depression and I just don' t see the point of living any more.

I feel like I' m just existing, fulfilling a pointless existance. Most days I have no strength to get out of bed and it' s starting affect my current job. I don' t know what to do. I just feel like sleeping and never waking up.

Someone please help...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Your comments sound very like a Depression, and I would advise you to arrange to see a good local psychiatrist for a horough assessment, and then a discussion of treatment options. If you find that hard to afford, arrange to see a shrink through your nearest Medical School Dept of Psychiatry or major state hospital. Your situation, particularly from a financial point of view, is surely unpleasant and anxiety-provoking. But when less depressed, you would find it easier to cope with. You also need sound financial advice, to cut out all non-essential spending ( make do with the clothes you have, for instance ) and work out a way to approach your various debtors with a plan, as they'd rather get SOME money from you than none. Stick firmly to this job until you can find something better.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Zena | 2008/09/19


Have u thought about moving back to ur parents house, u will save on the rent and food, then u will be able to pay more towards ur debts. As for ur dad try ignoring him as u would be going back home for them to help you, You might finish paying off your debts sooner and then move out again, tell yourself that you are on mission and develop a thick skin towards your dad' s comments. Sometimes a person has to take a step back.

Reply to Zena
Posted by: EL | 2008/09/18

Show the world that you CAN do it! For now, get yourself a second job, even if it' s only for 2 or 3 hours every night, it' s a start. Talk to your boss and ask if you can do more for a better salary. Focus on what you want in life and go for it!

Reply to EL

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