Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/05/15

Help with a Friend

Hi Dr

Please help me with a friend' s problem. We are both males in our late 20' s, myself and all our other friends are married, or attached. My friend is still single. In fact he has never a had a girlfriend before. I see that he is very hard on himself, and is not very confident of himself. People really like him as he is a very nice person, and always helpful, kind etc. When we query with him about him being single, he says he doesn' t mind it, it doesn' t bother him. But I see that when we have gatherings, I can see/sense that he does feel out of place and uncomfortable. When we go out clubbing, he would normally sit by himself while we dance etc. He is also too shy to go and chat to women.

How can I get him to be happy with who he is, to be more confidant in himself. He really is a nice person and looks after himself, he is tidy and organised, I want to see him happy like we are.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There can be many reasons why someone doesn't have a gf, including the fact that some people simply enjoy being by themselves. But a common reason is low self-esteem, being hard on oneself, and being shy and uncomfortable socially. He may feel comfortale when with the guys, but shy with girls. He doessound like a very nice person, and he's lucky to have a caring and thoughtful friend like you. He can certainly be helped, and counselling can help him learn to like himself more, feel more confident, and able to mix with and enjoy the company of women and indeed of anyon else.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2009/05/15

I had a colleague who was an absolute homophobe until he accepted that he was gay himself. Just because he doesn' t like gay people doesn' t mean that he isn' t gay himself. He may be in denial. Also he might point out beautiful women just because he appreciates their beauty in a objective way.

Whether he is straight or gay doesn' t really matter in the end. He will need counseling in either case and be happier for it.


Reply to Liza
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/05/15

No, he is definantly not gay, I have been friends with him for 17 odd years, and he always points out beautiful women to me. He actually doesn' t like gay people at all.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/05/15

This he has to sort out himself. Just support him in what every decision he makes. He might be gay for all you know and fighting it. Do not judge, just support.

Reply to Anonymous

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