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Question
Posted by: Q | 2005/01/10

Help Urgent !

I would like to know if am i over reacting or insecure.Early last year year i saw messages in my girlfriends phone another guy sent messages telling her how he loves her., then we fought over the messages, then she fell pregnant we have a 1 baby & also this year i saw this guy's message in her phone but this time it was a joke & we also fought over this message.Now i really dont find messages in her phone neither in the received list of calls in her cell-phone.What she told me is that she had an affair with this guy for 3 months and they dropped & she says she never slept with him only thing they do is talking & phoning each other, i really do not belive her.Now this guy is phoning the land line although he knows she's not there i'm the one who's there, i really dont know what this means maybe , they really dropped he wants me to feel jealous but what i dont like it seems as if my girlfriend is not doing anything to stop him calling .I'm really not sure when she says she stopped seeing & phoning him.I checked her phone while she was sleeping there was no messages from that guy .He phoned yersterday night asking her and i beat her up, i'm really afraid to continue beating her up everytime this guy phones .Please help what should i do.

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Our expert says:
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Could it be that this other guy doesn't want to accept that her relationship with him IS really over, and is pestering her ( and you) in the hope of breaking up her current relationship with you ? She should change her phone number and not let this guy know --- and you ought to stop beating her up IMMEDIATELY, or she ought to leave you. See a counsellor, perhaps together

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Q(origanal) | 2005/01/11

Hey guys please note that this is not me but someone els ussing my nic!!!

Reply to Q(origanal)
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2005/01/10

I just wanted to add, that yes I have also been beaten in my life and believe you me, if I could get hold of them today, they would loose, men have a lot of vulnerable spots. No-one deserves to be treated the way you treat your gf.

Glad though that you recognize it as a fault and want to stop. The only way is counselling, so please do go, couples counselling and decide if you want her in your life.

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2005/01/10

Hi Q,
Please stop this. Don't beat up your girlfriend because of messages or phone calls, she had no control over what someone else does. If you don't believe her when she tells you what did happen then why bother.

This sounds so much like my bf however he doesn't beat me, only tackles me emotionally and he is very good at it, makes me feel absolutely miserable and I don't want to be with him and if he does beat me, I will kill him, so be glad you are not my bf. The guy calling me also knows this as I told him, but yet he doesn't stop, it is a two week cycle in my case. You are making her feel the same and this guy will win in the end, he knows what you are doing and probably tells her he wouldn't do it, either by phoning her or sending her messages and phone's the landline to cause you to react again, discrediting you.

You need to get help, she doesn't deserve to be beaten up and you should not be doing this, go for counselling and take her with you, let her be honest about her feelings, I am sure she has withdrawn from you quite a bit and probably doesn't confide in you the way she used to, she is too scared of how you will react and also too scared to do anything else. Stop now or loose, your choice.

You need to stop doing this to yourself as well, you know you are wrong and you are frustrating yourself because you can't seem to control it, am I right? Rather try to walk away or do something else.

Hope you find the answer you are looking for and that you get help.
Take Care.

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: SR | 2005/01/10

Dear Q,

You have reached a point where your behaviour is obsessive and you cannot control yourself anymore. The slightest hint of "deception or lies" sparks off in you the most irrational behaviour.

You have two wolves within you. One is destructive, obsessive and hurtful. The other is a protector. The one that will win is the one that you feed. Please think hard before you decide who you feed.

She is going to tell this guy everytime you beat her and everytime she does you are going to beat her again. Sit down and work it out, get counselling or therapy.... tame the wolf within or it will devour you and your girlfriend

(I didn't say this) but if you have to beat up someone , go and get 2 pairs of boxing gloves and challenge the guy to a dual or something but please stop your behaviour.... get help

Reply to SR
Posted by: Liza | 2005/01/10

Sounds like this isn't her fault, but rather this insensitive jerk that is trying to make her life miserable because he knows what your reaction will be. You've admitted that you have a problem - the solution now is to go for counselling. Please help yourself - so that you can help your girlfriend get rid of this jerk.

Good luck
Liza

Reply to Liza

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