Posted by: Ally | 2009/03/16

Help Required: not interested in sex

My husband is not interested in sex anymore and he' s only 35! I' ve talked to him. He told me he doesn' t feel like sex.That due to the high work and financial stress he' s under, he just doesn' t want to.- he doesn' t maturbate nor is he having an affair or interested in other women. I asked if he had a problem with erectile disfunction - he answered no.
What can I do to help with this? I' ve tried to initiate sex-I' ve been shot down. I' m very open about sex. I don' t have any problems asking (though its getting a bit embarrassing asking and not receiving) .
What can HE do? How do we increase his sex drive? He wont go to a therapist...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

The cause of the problem needs to be established, and this is very important as such difficulties can be a sign of significant health concerns!

There are a number of reasons for decline in libido, including depression, side effect of medication, relationship difficulties, drug use, and hormone imbalance (too high levels of some hormones, or too low levels of testosterone). There is recent research into something called the metabolic syndrome - if he has a waist size of greater than size 34 plus one or two of the following: diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol or high lipids, he could suffering from this - erectile difficulties may be an indicator of this syndrome. This syndrome is relevant to sex drive in that testosterone may be broken down by hormones secreted by bodily fat, and therefore not available for his sexual response. I go into this much detail to show you that it is quite complex and there are some significant health concerns, not just sexual. So even if he won't go to a therapist, try to encourage him to have a general check up, with the doctor knowing about some of these concerns, so that he/she (the GP) can be directed to the sorts of tests / intervention required.

This is a very difficult issue to resolve if he is reluctance to seek any help/assistance at all though. I wonder if it is all the more difficult for a woman to insist on some action being taken as this is really contrary to many stereotypes of both men and woman..? However, just like I would advise a man in a similar circumstance, you need to make sure you have communicated loud and clear what your concerns about this are. For example: impact on your esteem and loss of that part of yourself (sexually and generally - many of us need to feel warmth and affection to boost how we feel about ourselves), potential for his suffering from a physical problem which requires medical attention (discussed above), impact on the relationship (distancing and increased potential for breakdown/infidelity). If none of these are sufficient for him to go for an assessment, then you have a decision to make...

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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