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Question
Posted by: max | 2007/02/21

help pls urgent

i will just briefly tell you my lifes sexual history to make things more clearer

5 yrs old :- enjoyed touching other boys of same age.this led to sucking each other.by playing with each other.

5- 10yrs old :touched gals of similar age wher they would not want to be touched.

5-10 yrs a guy coaxed me into giving a blow job. didnt know what it is ?

10-12 yrs started mastrubating .still was not fully aware of what is meant by sex

12-15 years was pushed into homosexuality by a distant relative and my own sexual energy.probably at that time i was not aware of the term 'gay'. this guy always used me as a passive partner.

All of my childhood i was staying with my father and he had a subordinate who was very loyal and honest.he helped my family by going beyond his duty.

i do not know what had happened at that time but my own sexual energy and the absence of any female sexual stimulation ;this guy used me once to mastur bate him and once he had sex using me as a passive partner

At this time was starting to get attracted to females
meanwhile had infatuation for a classmate.these infatuation towards the female folk continued

16-18 got rid of this distant relative . started to feel awkward about myself.this subordinate of my father left for his home.

the habit of putting things in my butt continued while i would mastrubate.
started to enjoy porn though this habit continued.

18-21 no sexual experience but only this habit

22-24 fell in love with a gal who was a friend. was dumped after 6 months of relationship.no sexual exp with this gal as she was not interested.

24-26 started to flirt with feamles.had my first smooch.
enjoyed some sexual experience with a gal ,but no sex

26-27 had oral sex with a gal . wanted to have sex but she had to rush somewhere after a telephone call

27 -now this guy who was my fathers subordinate has returned after about 15 years.my father not knowing anything mentioned above abt this guy is wanting to help him as he was his loyalist
he is wanting to employ him in our company.

the day he came here he met with quite warmth.he is much older now. he was very humble
i dont know how to react to this situation

was that the spur of the moment thing fuelled by my sexual energy
was it that my accessibilty was a reason to do what was done
was it his fault only or my fault too.
if it was his fault shd i forgive him
should i tell my father

i am totally confused .you have been kind to help me before .i request you to advice me pls

max31

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Our expert says:
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Hi Max

Our sexuality develops from birth and you have had a number of sexually confusing experiences and a string of abuses. Whatever happened before you were 16 technically counts as abuse and the law for statutary rape is clear and applies to both males and females.

The great majority of children experiment sexually as their sexuality grows, and some of your experiences are normative whilst others such as being the passive recipient of sodomy (anal penetration) is not.

Your experiences with women and the rejection you have experienced have also not helped you to establish your sexuality (sence of sexual position or place).

We often are drawn to an "uncomfortable comfort zone" even when we know that it is not good for us. Perhaps you find yourself in this place now.

As to whos fault it was, only you can judge, bearing in mind that you were young and inexperienced, not to mention vulnerable. The question to ask is what can you change right now, and will your ability to forgive stretch to this person too?

I suggest you take a step back and look at yourself, if necessary seek the help of a therapist and rediscover who you really are. The normal stages of development sexually in your case have had hiccups and some tragedies, abuse and this possibly has left you with a less than accurate sense of self. You need to value your true magnificence which other people have tried to steal or hijack from you.

Please give me some feedback on this forum as to what I have said and we can continue the discussion.

Mike Lacey-Smith
Life Coach for Men

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: max | 2007/02/23

thanks expert,
i get attracted to females except for the habit i mentioned.
i really do not know how to react in a situation when he joins my company as my subordinate and i cant help.

he has been very loyal to my father,he is not doing welll financially and therefore he came to my father for help. i donot know what to do.my father wants to go out of the way to help him as for him he was his best loyal subordinate. my father owns the company not i.

also he was quite humble,grown old now ,i met him after 15 yrs. he was quite warm when he met me and he was ina pitiful situation .

i just dont know what to do.

pls reply

thx for your help and thx to all others who shown concern

max

Reply to max
Posted by: reply | 2007/02/23

I am not to sure who to be blamed but I am sure of one thing you need to forgive him, you won't go anywhere with a grudge, if you choose not to forgive those who have wronged you, you are likely to become exactly like them. We are free rom what we forgive. Forgiveness actaully is not a choice but a good medicine of life. I suggest you keep quiet and forgive him but don't make him your friend because of bad memories that might arise,

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