Posted by: Lost | 2008/09/12

Help Needed

Good Morning,

I need your help. I am a 23 year old male. My girlfriend is 19 years old. we have been going out for 8 months now. It has been a roller coaster relationship! It started off with a bang! All went well, till the x-boyfriend came up! Then there was issues and after month 3 things started settling down and became pleasant again. Then I discovered she has bulimia... The struggle started again! I just cant accept it. I have been trying to help her the best I possibly can! Only in the motivation department en training. But she refuses to see a Shrink or get professional help! She told me about the bulimia after 5 months in our relationship. We are now sitting on 8 months. Still no help seeked from her side. But besides that. I also made the mistake by sleeping with her! She was the 1st and only girl that I have slept with. I regret it till today! I am a Christian and I feel ashamed because of that! It has been a month since we last slept together and I have NO intention of sleeping with her again! Against my religion en principles. Now I am at a stage where I am really considering to quit the relationship! She is doing things to make me angry or that' s what it feels like! She will sometimes drink to much at braai' s in front of my friends. Once she passed out as well. And personally that is not a pretty picture for me to see a girl drink too much. She doesn' t smoke! But when she has a glass of wine to many she will smoke! And she knows that I hate it! But she will do it! Her explanation is that she is young! And she wants to be " stout"  (Apologies for the Afrikaans). And she will never let me know where she is! If she is safe or whatever! i don' t mind her doing her own stuff! I am actually encouraging her to do that! But I will never know if she is safe etc. And then lying.. Lying about small things! I cant stand lying! It brakes my trust! I am struggling to trust her already! That is all the bad stuff! Beside that she is really a loving girl! And I truly care for her allot! And I will always be there for her no matter what happens! And I love her... But love doesn' t necessarily mean we are happy. She wants to marry me someday! And she sees me as her husband one day! But at this moment I am not happy in the relationship! And I am far too young to even think about marriage! I don' t just want to throw every thing away what we have but at his moment it is difficult! We fight every single day! And don' t want to be in a relationship like this... The one thing that is really holding me back from walking away is the fact that we slept together! CS... I need your advice please!

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Our expert says:
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She sounds too wound up within her own problems to be free to have a pleasant relationship with anyone else. And if she refuses assessment or help which she fairly obviously seems to need, there's not much you can do about it. Why dig yourself deeper into a relationship like this that is, on present lines, destined to be complex and unpleasant ? Why not move on yoruself, and give her a chance to grow up, which she will not be motivated to do if there is someone sympathetic around who will accept and put up with her bad behaviours

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Our users say:
Posted by: EL | 2008/09/12

Eerder 9 maande weggooi as wat jy oor ' n langer ruk dalk 3 jaar weggooi van jou lewe. Jy klink na ' n baie goeie mens, maar as sy nie jou goedheid kan respekteer nie dan is dit beter om haar totaal en al uit te sluit uit jou lewe en oor te begin. Vergeet die feit dat jy met haar geslaap het, as jy om vergifnis vra vir die Here dan sal Hy jou vergewe en dan hoef jy jou nie verder daaroor te bekommer nie. Liefde is nie altyd genoeg nie en as altwee nie kan saamwerk nie dan sal dit nooit werk nie. Vat eerder die pyn sonder haar vir ' n maand of twee as wat sy jou hart oor en oor gaan breek terwyl jy saam met haar is. Ek weet jy gaan dalk nie luister nie en nogsteeds aangaan met hierdie verhouding, maar so leer ' n mens maar en so word ' n mens sterker in die lewe. Sy is nog jonk en onervare en sy self moet leer uit haar foute. Mense is in verhoudinge vir jare en baie verhoudinge werk nie uit nie sodat ons kan leer uit ons foute en so die perfekte lewensmaat kan kies eendag en sodat ons ook die perfekte lewensmaat kan wees deur als wat ons geleer het uit ons foute uit. Ek sê  nie jy' t foute nie, maar ons almal kry seer uit verhoudinge uit, maar dit sal jou help om eendag die regte een vir jouself te kies.

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