Posted by: Nelly | 2004/10/01

Help Needed!!!!!!!

I am a female,24 years old. I feel scared when in a crowd. I
do not make any conversation, I just sit and listen to what "they are saying'. I have no self-confidence and very low self -esteem,I'm also insecure at times.
Can someone Please advise if they know of helpful reading materials that will help. I feel I need to change this behaviour.
I have a 1 year 7 month old daughter and I don't want this
to rub off on her. Is there someone out there that used to be like me and now "changed", Please give me some advice...
on how to change all this....Please!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear Nelly,
This sounds rather like a Social Anxiety Disorder, which can respond really excellently to standard treatment, medicinal, or psychological, or both combined. Try seeng a shrink fo an assessment and advice on treatment, and consider counselling. There are many thousands of people out there who used to feel exactly like you describe, and they're doing fine now, happy and confident in social situations. And good advice all round from our readers, well worth reading carefully.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Nelly | 2004/10/04

Thank you very much for your response and the good advice...
It is much appreciated!!!!
I am taking the necessary steps to get rid of this "social anxiety Disorder"
Thanks Again!!!

Reply to Nelly
Posted by: Art | 2004/10/01

have a look on doing a motivational course seek on the internet there are some good ones out there I did one that helped me tons called IEII did me the world of good

Reply to Art
Posted by: Lilly | 2004/10/01

Hi Nelly

I used to be exactly like you and co-incidentally it was only after the birth of my now 3 year old daughetr that I realised that I needed to do something. I wanted to teach my daughter to be assertive and express herself but I could'nt do that myself hence I decided to do something about that.I used to cry at night , feeling sorry for myself , I could'nt talk when I'm among people , I had a low self esteem . I could'nt see any thing positive about myself . I used to wonde what people are going to think about myself if I open my mouth and say something.I was very insecure even in my relationship. If I may say so , I'm a beautufil young woman , well educated and have eveything going for myself. I could'nt even take a compliment then , I just felt that the person is just saying whatever he's saying just to be nice to me or he feels sorry for me. One night I cried out of self pity and then I realised that I cant cry forever and decided to see a therapist. I attended about 12 intensive therapy sessions. During that process I met a wonderful man who understood my issues and he helped me to make me feel good about myself once again . But therapy worked as well as an understanding and suortive partner to pick you up whenever you lapse back. I wrote down all the good things about myself and once a negative, self degrading thought comes into my mind I re assure myself that : I'm beautiful , intelligent, I will do it , I can do it and prove to the whole world out there that I',m capable . it does not just go away in one day, you have to constantly remind yourself of the good things that you overlook about yourself . Start today by drawing 2 columns , the bad things about yourself and good things about yourself. In your current state , you'll have a lot of negative things to say about yourself and you might even struggle getting more than 2 things good about yourself . That's the whole point of getting proffessional help , I reached a point where the good things about myself outnumbered the bad things . And with the bad things , I knew exactly what I could do to change those things. I had to adopt an attitude of " I can do it , I will do it " I'm not there yet but today I can stand infront of executives and do a presentation whereas I could'nt even give a comment in a team meeting with people in the same position as I am . I'm wishing you all the best it's an uphill battle but it can be won. With therapy you'll be able to find the root of the problem . You'll then tackle the root cause itself. My heart goes out to you , it's really a lonely feeling and very depressing

Reply to Lilly
Posted by: Mona | 2004/10/01

I dont think there is anything wrong with you, i think you just need to build up your confidence. Try and read on how to do that.

Reply to Mona
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/01

Hi Nelly,

I am like you, but I don't think I've changed, yet. I will suggest that you go see a professional though, because there are methods & tests that can be done to evaluate you. There is also on this site/forum, a lot of material to read, where you may even be able to get a 'basic' self-diagnosis on your situation. Just go to the top & click on "mind" & you'll find a range of topics discussing symptons & treatment options. There is even medication available to help you along. I will tell you though, that you have to be patient. It took you a while to be the way you are so a change won't happen over-night.
Also wait for CS's response as he has a much more direct approach.
You have the need/want to change, that is the first step, now you must move to the next stage & actually go out & seek the assistance you need. It is available & it will help you.

Take Care,

Reply to Shaun

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