Posted by: b | 2006/11/13

help - need really good advice...

guys, i need help. i don't which route to follow.

Me and my husband are married now for two years, a very rocky one. Two months ago we split up for a week and we then decided its all or nothing and got back together. The past two months was the most wonderful i ever had but...

my mother in law stays in cape town and we stay in centurion. my husband went away on a trip to cape town. before he left we had a big fight with his mom. she emailed me the nastiest stuff you will ever believe telling me how bad i am. Really getting personal and i did nothing to her to deserve this email.

We were suppose to spend christmas together but she hasn't met my family at all and i want my family there. She is flying down and i really want my parents and her to spend the christmas day together. She said to my husband that if she meets them she does, if she doesn't she doesn't. She doesn't care. All she wants is her two sons and their wifes? My sister in law doesn't have parents? Will it be unfair to say that i will be not be there if my parents can't be there. It's like saying my parents are not good enough for her?

My first question, my husband saw her over the weekend and now everything is fine with them and he is expecting me to fly down to cape town to make amends with her? this is the second time this has happened. I am so dissappointed in him because she gets away with murder and he expects me to accept that?

He treated me very badly this weekend, he stayed with her and now this morning he is all sweet and nice again.

Please give me advice on how to handle this????

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Our expert says:
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I understand that this is troubnling to you, but it's a quesion of etiquette and tactics, not really a shrink's business !

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Our users say:
Posted by: katie | 2006/11/13

Hmmm - your partners relationship with his MOTHER sounds just like my X BF's. I don't know what it is with these woman....... all i know is that they are real ******!!!!!!!! YO7ur partner needs to get a back bone..... do you really want a relationship with her - after all......... you married hime - not her........

Reply to katie
Posted by: ellie | 2006/11/13

sorry can't help. my mother in law a real ***** and the past xmas's were hellish and the two families dont get on 1 is Christian and the other athiest and it made me so unhappy which rubs off on our chidlren and my man. Make yourself happy first. Don't try to please your motherinlaw, do what makes you happy and forget the rest. hope you enjoy your decison.

Reply to ellie
Posted by: T | 2006/11/13

I agree,christamss is a time for families to meet and spend time together. Maybe ur in law doesn not know how to approuch ur parents and to invite them over.
I think u should insist.Because it is a fam xmass and ur parents are inclueded.
Sometimes in laws can be a prob. but dont take it tooo personal thats alli can say.Maybe something was bugging her that day and she took it out on u which she shouldnt have.
But u need to speak to ur hubby abt how he chooses sides.H e should tell his mom to not speak to u badly or send u nasty emails esp if u have done nothing.Make sure he is firm and clear on that point.
And u tell him that this xmass should include ur fam.Speak up abt what u want esp to ur hubby.He should support u in this.

Reply to T
Posted by: Echelle | 2006/11/13

Your parents have the right to be there as well! Most of the times men are always on their mother's side. Just let him understand that his mother can't always say bad things to you whenever she wants and expect you to make everything right! If his mother doesn't care about your parents then it's her problem, not yours, just enjoy Christmas with your family and don't let her come between you and your husband. Like you said the last two months was great, but let it continue to be great and don't fight about his mother, rather not mention how you feel about what his mother said or done.

Good luck

Reply to Echelle

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