advertisement
Question
Posted by: CINDI | 2003/02/18

HELP MY FAMILY IS DRIVING ME CRAZY

I AM SO FED UP WITH LIFE, I HAVE A HUSBAND (MARRIED 5 YEARS), A TEENAGE SON (15 YEARS OLD) AND A TODDLER (3 YEARS OLD). MY LIFE, I DON'T HAVE ONE, IS SPENT DOING EVERYTHING FOR THESE 3 PEOPLE IN MY LIFE AND I WORK FULL DAY AS WELL. MY HUSBAND IS THE TYPE THAT AS SOON AS HE GETS HOME, SITS IN FRONT OF THE TV OR COMPUTER AND SHOUTS FOR WHATEVER HE WANTS. MY TEENAGER DOES HELP IN THE HOUSE BUT I FEEL GUILTY AND HE MAKES ME GUILTY IF I ASK HIM TO DO ANYTHING FOR ME BECAUSE MY HUSBAND IS SO BUSY TELLING HIM WHAT TO DO AS WELL. MY DAUGHTER THE TODDLER IS SUFFERING ACCORDING TO THE "SHRINK" I AM TAKING HER TO FROM SEPERATION SYNDROME. THERE ARE A LOT OF REASONS FOR THIS ONE BEING MY HUSBANDS WORK, HE IS IN THE MILITARY AND IS DEPLOYED AT LOT. I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR HELP FROM OUR SOCIAL WORKERS RE:- OUR FAMILY BUT MY HUSBAND DISMISSES THEM ALL AS IDIOTS. FIRST HE AGREES TO COUNCELLING BUT THEN RIPS THE COUNCELLER APART AFTER SHE HAS LEFT. SO THIS DOES NOTHING TO HELP OUR DOMESTIC SITUATION. BUT TO GET BACK TO MY PROBLEM - I AM SO FED UP I SIT AND CRY IN THE TOILET AT HOME BECAUSE IT IS THE ONLY PLACE I CAN ESCAPE TO. I GET TERRIBLE HEADACHES AND LIVE ON PAIN KILLERS, I OFTEN THINK OF JUST GOING AWAY AND LEAVING THEM ALL (ISN'T THIS TERRIBLE, THAT I CAN THINK OF LEAVING MY CHILDREN), I ALSO THINK OF SUICIDE BUT I WOULDN'T DO IT. I AM JUST SO TIRED OF NOT HAVING A LIFE, I CAN'T EVEN MAKE ARRANGEMENTS TO HAVE COFFEE WITH A FRIEND BECAUSE I AM TOO BUSY DOING WHAT THEY WANT. EVEN MY LUNCH HOURS AT WORK ARE MOSTLY SPEND DOING SOMETHING OR OTHER FOR THEM OR FOR THE HOUSE. PLEASE HELP - HOW DO I GET MY LIFE BACK? IF I SAY NO TO THEM IT CAUSES TERRIBLE ARGUEMENTS AND I WAS HOPING THE COUNCELLING WOULD WORK BUT NOW I HAVE TO CANCEL BECAUSE MY HUSBAND WON'T GO ANY MORE. WE HAVE ALSO HAD A LOT OF VIOLENCE IN OUR RELATIONSHIP BUT WE ARE TRYING TO KEEP MORE CONTROLL OF THIS AND WE HAVE ONLY HAD ONE INSIDENT IN THE PAST YEAR AND A HALF. BUT I AM ALSO SCARED BECAUSE WHEN MY HUSBAND LOSES HIS TEMPER HE ALSO HITS THE CHILDREN, NOT THAT THERE ARE BRUISES AND THINGS BUT I PERSONALLY FEEL THAT DISIPLINE SHOULD BE ON THE "BUM" NOT THE HEAD OR EARS OR ARMS. WHAT CAN I DO - RUN AWAY.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear Cindi,
And we thought that slavery had been abolished some years ago. You are describing an abusive husband, slefish and abusive towards you and the children. This is the issue that needs to be dealt with. I get the impression that this is not uncommon in the military, where the louse gets to spend all day ordering other people around, then comes home and orders his family around l and he's used to being obeyed, and to dismissing inconvenient opinions, like that of the Social Worker. The Social Workers, in turn, should be far more assertive, including reporting such men to their commanding officers for discipline where appropriate.
Hitting children on the head is not justifiable, and is risky. And don't feel guilty about expecing your teenage son to help out around the house --- apart from simple justice, this is helping himk learn how real men behave, raher than being encouraged to follow the awful example of his father, the blustering bully. Amd don't accept the false message such abusers like to push onto you, that somehow it's your fault that he can't be bothered to behave properly.
Why not call a group like POWA to discuss the siuation with their staff, who have much experience in helping abused women and their families ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: BLUE | 2003/02/19

I honestly feel for u girl.....I agree with Zeena. Good luck with everything!!

Reply to BLUE
Posted by: Zeena | 2003/02/18

Is there any possibility of getting the 3-year old into a crèche or playschool, for a few hours per day? That would give you a little breathing space.

Your husband is being lousy, and I wonder if you've ever told him that. Maybe he needs to know. If you think he's going to be get violent when you tell him, see that you are in the front door with both your kids, so you can flee into the street and yell for help.

Okay, that sounds awful, when this is a serious matter. But you will also have to stop being such a doormat. You don''t have to fight with him. Just stop running to him when he calls. Stop doing some of the stuff you are doing. Feed the kids, put the laundry in the washing machine, etc. I mean, do the basics we all we have to do. But stop obeying his commands!

If he as much as touches you or one of the kids, go and get help. Yell murder to the social worker. If you are going to go on being a doormat, he'll go on using you to wipe his feet on.

Unfortunately I agree with the Shrink that often career military men have this attitude. You'll have to decide whether you want to live with it -- or get out altogether.

Reply to Zeena
Posted by: Cool | 2003/02/18

Hi Cindi, I hope everything works out well for you it is quite moving to read experiences like this and as the Doc said go to POWA it will help you deal with it.

I wish you well... no-one deserve to be treated like this, you are your own person dont let it be taken away from you.

Good luck

Reply to Cool

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement